In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I thought I’d illustrate the many sincere reasons why we so desperately need such a week to promote awareness.
My knowledge that others clearly need some enlightenment in the breastfeeding department began as soon as I aquired the Internet. I had read many books about the benefits of breastfeeding & it was such a natural, easy notion that bottle-feeding never occured to me, but I had no idea how controversial the topic is until I got a computer for school & started exploring the World Wide Web & its plethora of opinions.
It started innocently enough– I joined a pro-breastfeeding group online because I was interested in the stories & the support. There I found what I had been looking for, but I also found a lot of misinformation & what seemed to be rage directed toward breastfeeding mothers. I read that breastfeeding is gross & lactating women shouldn’t leave their homes, I read that breastfeeding women who nurse in public are sexual exhibitionists, I read that breastfeeding is ok– as long as you’re covered up!, I read that breastfeeding is fine but not after six months, I read that many women “can’t” breastfeed, I read that formula is just as good, & a whole host of other incorrect statements.
The more misinformation I read, & the more I learned about the incredible value of breastfeeding, the more “militant” I became about spreading information & supporting breastfeeding women.
I learned through my own experience that breastfeeding in public is not only important for societal reasons, but necessary for the health of a child. When my son was just a couple weeks old, I went grocery shopping while wearing him in his sling. I had fed him before we left, but as we meandered through the store, he started to cry. I knew he was hungry again, so I looked for a place to breastfeed (I wasn’t yet adept enough at using the sling that I could easily employ it to nurse him comfortably). The only option was a bench by the main door of the store, which was surrounded by shoppers & cash registers & old dudes sittin’ around. I left my cart with all of my belongings in an aisle & I decided to hide in the bathroom. The stalls were tiny & absolutely filthy; I had to straddle the nasty toilet seat while balancing my newborn on my knee so I could adjust my shirt & bra to latch him on properly. I had visions of dropping him the entire time & the whole experience was disgusting & degrading. I didn’t know yet that my right to breastfeed & my son’s right to eat normally in a safe & comfortable environment was fully protected by the law.
You see, the government recognizes my son’s needs more than the delicate sensitivities of passers-by who might not want to see the same amount of flesh (or less) that is revealed by a low-cut shirt, but with a baby attached.
If I didn’t happen to be an extremely strong-willed woman with a passionate desire to do what is best for my child & for the world, I may have switched to formula because it is easier in public. I may have decided that the hassle of breastfeeding in a repulsive bathroom stall was too much, or that people leering at me made me uncomfortable, & I might have quit breastfeeding forever. But with the recent report that breastfeeding can save almost 1,000 lives in a year in the U.S. alone (http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/05/breastfeeding.costs/index.html?iref=allsearch), it is clear that education about breastmilk is important, but sensitivity & support for the mothers on the other end of the breast is equally crucial.
I have often heard the question “why not just pump milk for a bottle?” in regards to breastfeeding in public. I have previously explained how very possible it is to need to breastfeed in public; it is also often impossible to pump milk. I was unable to pump more than a half ounce after several hours of trying, so simply pumping milk for a bottle to avoid offending others with my breast was not possible. In addition to this difficulty, it has been proven that it is not only the breastmilk that is beneficial for the baby, but the physical closeness & warmth is excellent for a growing child. The act of breastfeeding releases hormones in a mother that assist bonding with the baby.
I have also heard the demand “cover up, for decency’s sake!” when discussing public breastfeeding. I understand that the sight of a nipple may surprise some people, especially in the U.S. where we sexualize women to the point of shaming them. I learned, as soon as my son was strong enough to move his limbs, that keeping him under a blanket would be no easy task. I tried several times, but he managed to either pull it off or get so upset that he was unable to nurse at all, so I stopped trying. It has become very clear to me that people who do not wish to see the act of breastfeeding can look away.
The fact that breastfeeding saves lives, yet less than 15% of women in the U.S. make it to the bare minimum recommendation of 6 months, tells us that we absolutely need to normalize breastfeeding instead of demanding that women use synthetic devices to feed their children, or hide them under blankets. More paramount than insisting that women be ashamed of their bodies is making the act of nursing standard so that future generations will embrace this normal way of feeding & stop employing sub-standard methods.
I do know that some women are truly unable to breastfeed. Some women suffer from medical conditions that make breastfeeding impossible. Some women find that they are emotionally unable to offer themselves for breastfeeding; whether past sexual abuse, postpartum depression, or an unidentifiable issue exists, these situations deserve compassion.
I’m also aware that some women feel they were unable to breastfeed while the truth is that they didn’t have the resources or education to have a strong start. Some women believe that their “milk never came in,” but in reality, they may not know that breast milk can take several days to arrive, & a new baby survives perfectly on colostrum (pre-breast milk substance) in the vast majority of cases. Many women complain of serious pain, which I had in the beginning as well, without knowing that their child could be tongue-tied, or they lack an understanding of the proper way to latch their infant onto their breast that can easily solve this excruciating problem. In any instance, if breastfeeding was seen as the only normal option, milk banks would be much more prevalent & the need for formula would greatly diminish. Women who were unable to breastfeed can still have an enormous impact on their children’s health by making nutritional excellence a determining factor in your family’s lifestyle. For those in the beginning stages, bottle-feeding while shirtless can provide the warmth & closeness that is so beneficial during breastfeeding.
It is difficult to provide the desperately needed information about breastfeeding without offending women who were legitimately unable to breastfeed, but I can’t fail to provide the facts for fear of offending. This piece written by Hobo Mama is an excellent article on approaching women who use formula with compassion. I readily admit that when a mother *chooses* formula when she *is able* to breastfeed, I am confused & concerned. But I try not to judge, although I do believe judgement is a natural side effect of care & concern. (http://www.hobomama.com/2010/08/formula-feeders-and-bottle-users.html)
It has been proven that breastfeeding can lower the risk of allergies, athsma, obesity, diabetes, various cancers, & Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, yet formula companies continue to aggressively market their product as though there exists no risk in this alternative feeding method. There are risks. & Women deserve to know.
So, when Kim Kardashian exclaims that nursing is “EWWW” (http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/06/21/2010-06-21_kim_kardashian_slams_public_breast_feeding_as_sister_kourtney_does_it_on_tv.html), she needs to be flooded with information from people who proudly stand up for the rights of a nursing child.
& When nursing mothers are regularily asked to leave establishments even though the law is on their side (http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2010/07/29/nursing-no-no.html), the offending business needs to be the focus of a “nurse-in” to inform them that their actions are against the law.
When women claim that they don’t want to breastfeed because it will make their breasts sag, they need to be informed & that information needs to be spread around to prevent other women from making this erroneous claim. (http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/breastfeeding-does-not-cause-breasts-to.html)
When people who are passionate about breastfeeding are accused of being “Nazis,” the accusers need to be sternly informed that fighting for a child’s right to proper nutrition, no matter how forcefully, is not remotely similar to what took place in Nazi Germany.
When the Nestle company is known for promoting “bottle baby disease” by routinely supplying new mothers in poor countries with free formula samples so when their milk dries up, they have no way to feed their babies unless they have money to buy more formula, which is rare, Nestle needs to be boycotted. http://www.mcspotlight.org/beyond/nestle.html
& When a well-known radio DJ spews an ugly rant on-air about her disgust toward breastfeeding women, whether she can actually see any exposed flesh or not, (http://codenamemama.com/2010/07/08/1063-breastfeeding/) she needs to be made aware of her disservice to children & women everywhere through actions like this: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Peaceful-Protest-for-the-Russ-Lisa-Morning-Show-Nurse-In/128252343883790?ref=mf
Please be loud & proud, my fellow breastfeeding supporters! This is a crucial time, an era where people are beginning to seriously question the motives of formula companies & the lame advice of many doctors. We have the power now to transform our world, to make the future brighter, & to provide solid emotional & physical health to a new generation. Wear your breastfeeding tshirts! Engage in breastfeeding conversations! Know your rights & breastfeed in public!
<3
About Kristen Tea
I am a 27-year-old single, attached, informed, lactivist, intactivist, peaceful Minnesotan mother of almost 4-year-old Sun Ronin a.k.a Sunny Boy. I am an artist & lover of expression. I'm also a student with many things to learn, including nutritional therapy, lactation consulting, doulahood, yoga instructing, & more. I believe that unplanned pregnancies do not have to equal uninformed motherhood, & women have the power to restore humanity to everything we touch.
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OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Thank you for your words, this is how I feel. I want to scream it out that breastfeeding in public is NOT wrong! That I will NOT wear a hooter hider (WTF is up with those anyways???). That my baby gets to eat out in public at a table like EVERYONE ELSE.
Keep on doing what you are doing mama!!
.-= melissa´s last blog ..A visit from Josiah makes Tamra Rose VERY sad - =-.
Kristen, you are my HERO!! Sunny boy is soooo very lucky to have you as a mommy:))
I’m sure that he knows that. KEEP WRITING & expressing yourself
XOXO
Kristen, what an inspiring and intelligent post and call to action. Thank you for sharing this with us.
I am so honored to be part of this journey with women like you, Kristen!
.-= Dionna @ Code Name: Mama´s last blog ..World Breastfeeding Week =-.
Thank you for letting me use your link! <3
Hello,
I am 63 years old and I was a breastfed baby. There are not too many 63 year olds in South Africa now. Why? Part of the reason might be be because they are not breastfed. The main reason is probablt because they are not PARENTED!
GREAT Article! Love this!
I’m proud to be a mommy who breastfed both of my kids. My son til he was 13 months….til the end of my first trimester. And my second child til 18 months. I fought my husbands family, my friends and all those nasty know it all people. I had to get to the point that if you can’t accept my child eating from my breast, you obviously don’t need to be my friend or see my child anymore. Stay strong breastfeeders….you are giving you child a great gift.
Thank you!! (Even interesting about the sagging, though it never occurred to me regarding breastfeeding.)
In Michigan, there is little protection for a BFing mom. We can’t be charged with indecent exposure. But we can, and have, be requested to leave a store. ?! The part that gets me is in the language “choose to breastfeed”. I didn’t choose to breastfeed. Nature did that. I am a mammal. That is what the female of the species does when producing offspring. Formula is the choice. It is the willful deviation from normal and natural.
I love that perspective, that formula is the choice, not breastfeeding!
Formula is not always a choice. I chose breastfeeding but nature did not give me that option. I didn’t have anyone to buy breastmilk from, so I turned to formula. There was nothing willful about it…I went kicking and screaming (just about literally.) Feeding a baby is as natural as having a baby – but some of us weren’t blessed with that natural ability either and have to turn to science to help out. =)
I support and smile at bfing moms out there – I’m happy for those who were given the choice!
Nikki- I admire you for keeping your spirits light about needing formula. I don’t know how I would handle it. . . I hope that my writing made it clear that when I said “formula is the choice not breastfeeding” I meant that when women *choose* formula, they are making the choice, taking the weight off the common notion that a woman “chooses” to breastfeed.
I’m pretty certain that none of the articles written in the name of the virtues of breastfeeding are ever directed toward women who are medically unable to breastfeed & I’d like to imagine that anyone who writes on the topic is well aware that some women are physically unable to breastfeed. I do appreciate your ability to support nursing women since the more support we have, the more access to milk banks will be a reality!
I hemorrhaged when my son was 4 days old & I had to go back into the hospital for surgery. My mom kept my son over night &, since I hadn’t had time to pump any milk, he was fed some organic formula. If nursing was accepted in the U.S. as normal, my son would have gotten donor milk! But I don’t dwell on this issue & I know that when people profess the dangers of formula, they are not directing that information at me, but rather women who need to know, women who would otherwise *choose* formula.
It’s been a long road I tell you! I’ve always been pro-breastfeeding, but for the year I formula fed, I could hardly look at a breastfeeding mom because I would get so sad, guilty, and even angry (not at the mom, just at my own circumstance.) Now I’ve finally come around to “lightening up.” For a year I thought of myself as a failure in being unable to breastfeed. Now I realize I didn’t fail. I did breastfeed. Sadly, it was very little, but I gave it my all to the last drop. And now despite formula, I have a very healthy, strong, and smart little girl.
As much as I wish society would accept breastfeeding better, whenever I read about people being harrassed, I can’t help but think I’d rather be judged by ignorant people for doing what I know to be right, than feel judged for doing what I don’t even want to be doing in the first place. =(
That makes a LOT of sense! I really feel for you. I know myself well & I know I would be absolutely devastated if I hadn’t been able to breastfeed & I bet I would be glaring back at women who looked at my bottle sideways & I’d probably take to making tshirts that said “I TRIED to breastfeed!” That’s just how I am
I understand why women need to share their stories; I am just thankful that you are able to read this statement about breastfeeding without feeling angry or offended, as I know it must have taken a lot of work to get to that point. This whole issue gets so twisted because some women who were unable or chose not to breastfeed hear “formula is sub-par” & get angry & defensive, & on one hand, I don’t blame them & on the other. . . it’s true & I can’t help the harsh nature of that fact. . .
But, with all that said, I do believe that a mother can have a very healthy child that was fed formula! There are so many choices to make & if a mother who breastfeeds chooses to feed her child processed foods with little nutritional value, that is no better than making the choice to use formula. Thank you for adding to this discussion; your middle-of-the-road perspective is an excellent one to read!
Yes, I totally wanted to have a t-shirt like that! I guess the way I came to terms with it was realizing that she is healthy and strong, and that I can focus on the many other ways of taking care of her. Skin to skin bottle feeding, babywearing, babysigning, cloth diapering, feeding healthy choices of solid foods, the list goes on! I couldn’t give her much breastmilk in her first year, but I have many more years to give her the best I can of everything else.
It is refreshing to hear your views on things as well. I have read articles stating that all women can breastfeed, the ones who fail just had lack of support and education or didn’t try enough. Those people make me angry because I had all the support, education, and overly-stubborn determination a person could ask for. Those are the people who make me feel like if I tell anyone “I tried but couldn’t” that people won’t believe I really did try.
lovely…thank you!
Um. The ad on the left of this article is for Ameda and Babies R US. It is a picture of a bottle attached to a horn.
My boy doesn’t like anything covering his face it scares him and so I can’t use a cover luckily I live in a community that mostly excepts it. I have had some looks mostly from tourist. It is 100% natural and I don’t see anyone complaining of a cow, cat or dog nursing there young, so why should we? Breastfeeding mothers unite and take back our human nature for the health of our children
Thanks to all the momma’s out there you rock!
I love your passion & conviction. Thanks for being the voice of many who have none.
One of my favorite sayings for BFing is Even a jackal, (one of the most despised animals), knows to suckle it’s young.
Brava!
THANK YOU!! I breastfed both of my children and felt the need to “hide” while nursing my first in public and around family members in my own house. By the time I had my second I was much more comfortable feeding her and cared way less about other people’s opinions. I wish I had been more comfortable the first time b/c it needs to be normalized!!
Bravo!!! I breast fed my som until he was two…like many, fighting everyone on the way who thought it was disgusting or he was too old for it. I can proudly say that my now 5 year old son is healthy as a horse and seldom ever sees the Dr…(I can count on one hand in 5 years how often he has been) The best part, other than the obvious healthy start I have given him is seeing him react when we see a Mamma breast feeding now…He smiles and will say “Look Mamma, she loves her baby like you loved me!!” That is good enough for me right there!!! Kudos to all the brave women who know what is best, even in the adversity of our ignorant world!
i think it is sort of rude to breast feed in public. it is a private thing, and women should take it in the bathroom. i dont understand why you need to whip out your private parts and feed your baby in public. if there are no bathrooms around, put a blanket over it or go sit in your car. its not something everyone wants to see.
Would you like to eat in a bathroom?
emma- I am confused why you would be reading such an article since it clearly advocates for breastfeeding in public & I’m concerned about comprehension since I stated several valid reasons why a woman would need to breastfeed in public.
But thank you for so obviously illustrating why our fight for breastfeeding & particularily breastfeeding in public must continue full force.
In response to the person who said it was rude for us to breast feed in public….I live in FLa so nursing in my car is not an option. It is too hot, and both myself and the baby would end up dehydrated and overheated. Secondly, people don’t expect YOU to go eat in a bathroom stall, so why should my baby? You are not offended by a woman wearing low cut shorts and a bikini top, with half her breast exposed, but because I am feeding my baby naturally you find that offensive and gross? Wake up and realize something here…breastfeeding is natural. ANd a lot healthier. If your wife had a child, and she decided to breastfeed, you would go ask her to nurse in a bathroom so she didn’t offend anyone? A lot of times, unless there is a lot of skin showing, you can’t really tell a mother is breastfeeding in public unless the baby happens to turn away. IF IT OFFENDS YOU DON’T LOOK! I have breastfed all of my girls, my oldest being 7. Babies don’t like staying hidden.. It scares them. They need to have visual contact. its a safety thing.
Emma see this is where the problem lies we can allow our kids and adults see tits on t.v. in a sexual fashion and that is o.k. but not in a natural way we are the same as animals! Thats why my child will see breastfeeding mothers and not watch t.v. because I don’t want them getting the wrong message and no one should eat in the bathroom or risk their childs heath by bottle feeding I hope one day you will understand the importance of feeding your child from your milk instead of fake or other animal milk which we are not meant to digest.
Im sorry I risked my childs health by bottle feeding? There are PLENTY of healthy bottled fed babies….this article is suuppose to stress the importance of breastfeeding and how it should be okayed in public not to put down those who opt not to.
I’m confused Shay, have you not read the plethora of evidence that suggests formula feeding is risky? This has been proven. . .
Bravo!!! I breast fed my son until he was two…like many, fighting everyone on the way who thought it was disgusting or he was too old for it. I can proudly say that my now 5 year old son, is healthy as a horse and seldom ever sees the Dr…(I can count on one hand in 5 years how often he has been) The best part, other than the obvious healthy start I have given him is seeing him react when we see a Mamma breast feeding now…He smiles and will say “Look Mamma, she loves her baby like you loved me!!” That is good enough for me right there!!! Kudos to all the brave women who know what is best, even in the adversity of our ignorant world!
Thank you all for your kind words! I am so glad to find such a community of mothers who are passionate about their child’s right to proper nutrition!
Thanks for a great article, Kristen. I love breastfeeding my 9 month old, but sometimes it takes a lot of courage for me to breastfeed in public, depending on the situation. Sometimes I give up and go to the bathroom or the car. I find that immersing myself in breastfeeding culture helps a ton: reading articles, hanging out with friends who breastfeed, etc. You’re right that we must normalize breastfeeding in our culture, and a great way to do this is to let others see breastfeeding mamas and babies everywhere. Thanks for the encouragement!
I support those that choose to breastfeed 100%. I breastfed my son for 4 months and I do believe that I did the best that I could for him in that respect. for those of you who choose to nurse longer than that, I find it offensive that so many of you, and the writer of this article, would claim formula was some kind of barbaric poison that’s going to turn my child into some kind of monster and that by feeding them from a bottle they’ll get some kind of disease.
The decision that mother’s make, whether to bottle feed or breastfeed, is a very personal one and these days very stressful because there’s so much pressure to breastfeed. When they choose to formula feed, those that breastfeed frown upon it, make her feel horrible, and come off as though you’re a better person.
Because I breastfed AND bottle fed my child, I was able to discover that the bonding he and I had was NO DIFFERENT either way, and that it was more important that he was getting the nutrition he needed. On top of that, because I formula fed my son, my husband was able to play a very active role in feeding which allowed them to bond and form a very strong relationship, too.
As for nursing in public, it’s not that people find it gross and repulsive, it’s that they don’t feel that they need to be subjected to an uncomfortable situation. People simply don’t know how to act and that doesn’t make them a bad person. In fact, it’s a bit respectful if you ask me because they’re not wanting to come off as if they’re starring at your naked breasts.
I don’t go around pronouncing my beliefs wherever I dine and shop making people just accept it and look the other way only because it’s my right by law to do so. I choose a more appropriate place suited to accommodate that. So instead of forcing YOUR beliefs on other people,telling them to just deal with it, just do everyone a favor and use a cover-up, go to a
nursing station, or simply pump. Because where that baby eats certainly doesn’t matter to them so long as they just get to eat. Perhaps instead of going on a tirade about how it’s okay by law to nurse wherever you want because there aren’t enough sufficient places to do so, start advocating businesses to create spaces for nursing mothers.
And to all those women out there who read this and feel like they are a horrible mother for choosing to formula/bottle feed, you made the best decision FOR YOU and are doing what is best for both your child and yourself and you should never feel any less of a person for it.
Leslie- You most definitely do NOT “support those who choose to breastfeed 100%.” It is amazing that you would make that statement & then procede to list the variety of ways in which you not only fail to support nursing women, but also condemn them.
You lost me when you claimed that I stated in my writing that “formula was some kind of barbaric poison that’s going to turn my child into some kind of monster.” I never said such a thing.
I did state the facts that are well-known about formula. I did not invent these facts. Formula can be harmful to children in a variety of ways.
Also, you seemed to skip over the part where I stated that some women CANNOT pump milk & some babies WILL NOT nurse if they are covered. So, instead of forcing your preferences on nursing mothers, why not use your eye & neck muscles to look away?
We are passionate about a child’s right to proper nutrition & your demand that we keep it to ourselves will NEVER work. But thanks for stopping by.
Where’s a link to support your claim that formula can be harmful? The CNN article you posted only states that breastfeeding has many advantages when done within the first 6 months (lowering health risks but not eliminating them), which I do believe in, hence why I breastfed my child in the beginning. But there’s no mention of any harmful affects caused by formula in that article.
Here’s one: http://www.naturalnews.com/019338.html
& Another: http://www.ewg.org/node/25574
& Another, reguarding the packaging of formula: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22717628/
& Another: http://www.wearsthebaby.com/infantformula.htm
& Another: http://www.fao.org/docrep/007/y5502e/y5502e07.htm
I’m curious if you know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding for at least one year & the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for at least 2 years. Why do you suppose they recommend such a length of time for its health benefits if you believe only 6 months is necessary?
Also, since the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding, bottle-feeding (or cup or syringe-feeding) breastmilk, & finding another source for breastmilk before finally listing formula as a substitute, this shows that formula comes in dead-last as a replacement for breastmilk. Why do you think this is?
If breastfeeding *decreases* the risks of allergies, obesity, SIDS, cancers, & other illnesses, what do you suppose parents are feeding their children that *increases* these risks? Hint: formula.
I think you are coming into this discussion from a defensive place because you don’t like hearing that your child was fed a sub-par product. But formula is sub-par. This is fact. I tried to write this article from the position of supporting breastfeeding mothers, not condemning formula-feeding mothers, because I don’t. But if you are actually unaware of the risks of formula, you might want to do some well-rounded research.
Woah. Get over yourself and off your high-horse there. I have in no way insulted your choice in breastfeeding because as I’ve stated twice, I breastfed my child. You’ve just insulted me by saying YOU think my child was fed sub-par product and I’m feeling bad about that?! Get real! This is exactly what I was talking about in my first response. Making those women, who make their own choices for how they want to nurture and care for their baby by way of formula, feel less adequate.
And, you might want to check your facts about formula “increasing” health risks. While yes, breast milk decreases those risks, that doesn’t inadvertently mean formula then increases them. Formula simply, and adequately, provides almost as many nutrients and components found in breast milk. I understand that it cannot be duplicated, but if formula was such an awful thing, the supposed “last thing anyone should give their baby,” and cause illness, it wouldn’t be on the market.
I have never ever once in anything that I have said, stated that breast milk wasn’t best. I’m fully aware that it is and what the benefits are. Which again, is why I BREASTFED MY SON. How one chooses to care for their child is a completely personal choice and one that no one should be judged on.
The reason I’m fired up about this is because I KNOW my son got the exact nutrition he needed and has grown to be a very smart, strong, and beautiful 3 year old boy and people like you, who push this issue so much, try and make me feel like I’m a bad mother. Nor are my friends who also chose to formula feed their children. Just because your children were breastfed for over a year, doesn’t make them any better than mine.
@Leslie- Your statement is so full of defensive language that it has become clear you are not here to discuss this issue from varying perspectives, but rather express your anger at me for supporting breastfeeding women & stating facts because that somehow leads you to believe that I think my child is better than yours, which I don’t & never said anything even remotely similar to.
You are lobbing insults now by telling me to get off my non-existant high horse, so please find another way to communicate. I wish you peace!
Awesome article, you wrote what we moms feel so beautifully.
Thank you so much for sharing!!
Just watching a woman breastfeed releases the same hormones the body releases when achieving orgasm. I wonder if there is a link to breastfeeding aversion and impotency/frigidity? Seriously.
Wow, Leslie. What made you so angry? No one said formula is poison, but it is synthetic and is not the same as breastmilk. It should not be likened to breast milk, but that is what formula makers do. I felt no stress or pressure to breastfeed, in fact just the opposite. More people gave me formula samples and tried to tell me that my breasts would not be enough. I supplemented during the 1st month and regretted it because I knew in my heart that I wanted to exclusively bf, so now that is what I do.
A mother who feeds her baby formula is not a bad parent. I have never heard anyone who advocated breast attack someone for choosing formula, only encouragement to learn and try. I have heard people say that breastfeeding is gross. I have heard members of La Leche League be called nazis. So I’m not sure where the formula users see this hostility.
I don’t believe that feeding a baby in public is pronouncing a belief. If I change my daughter in public with her cloth diapers, should disposable using moms feel that I am dictating to them that they should use cloth? You say peopl are made to feel uncomfortable by it and that is reason to cover up. There are people who are uncomfortable around people with disabilities. Should we keep people in wheelchairs away from the general public then? People aren’t comfortable with it because they aren’t used to seeing it, because our society has said that women should be ashamed of their bodies and should only show them sexually. Women are made with breasts for the purpose of feeding their children, not to be drooled over or shamed by. Anyone who can’t grasp that shouldn’t leave their house.
Well said, Emilie. <3
Amen sister! It’s so nice to read intelligent, well thought-out comments
.-= The Happy Hippie Homemaker´s last blog ..World Breasfeeding Week! =-.
I don’t think Leslie was angry about the article at all since she did say she breast fed. It seems like what made her upset was the fact that Kristen basically point blank, told her that she fed her son sub-par nutrition. I don’t blame her for being upset by that at all. No Mom makes a choice to be ok feeding her child “sub-par” food. It’s been proven time and time again that formula is the next best thing and well, maybe there are health reasons why she couldn’t continue breastfeeding.
Also, Emilie, while you might be right about how women are made to feel like objects with their breasts hanging out, it’s definitely not the same as people with disabilities. That comparison is kind of insulting. As time goes on, more and more people are “whipping the boob out” more than ever, and I think it’s the older generation that are not too familiar with it, and are the most uncomfortable.
Amanda, in this blog I will try endlessly to provide accurate information in a tactful way, but I cannot withhold the truth simply because it may be offensive to one soul or another.
Formula is sub-par. Formula is not the “next best thing.” I am not fabricating these facts; if you don’t know them to be fact, some research needs to be done.
If I were to notice that your carseat was installed incorrectly, let’s say you had your infant forward-facing instead of rear, & I pointed it out upon *you* engaging *me* in conversation, should that be considered offensive? It is well-known that carseats for infants should face backwards, as it is well-known that breastmilk is the normal, standard, & best food for babies. After that comes breastmilk in a bottle, if the mother is unable to breastfeed. After that comes someone else’s breastmilk in a bottle if the mother is unable to lactate. Finally there is formula.
I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings as long as I am keeping my side of the street clean. I tell the facts in a respectful manner. Leslie came at me aggressively with a lot of judgement & anger, so I hypothesized at where her anger may be coming from, since I have seen a lot of women get bitter about feeding formula to their children & it seems to be based on the FACT that formula is sub-par nutrition. If a woman is medically unable to breastfeed, the FACTS are not changed; the case is that this post is simply not meant for those mothers if it will cause them heartache to read the FACTS about breastfeeding.
By the way, PLENTY of women *choose* to be ok with feeding their children sub-par foods. Actually, it’s at about 75% by 6 months, given that maybe 10% are actually medically unable to breastfeed & the rest of the mothers (under 15%) are breastfeeding.
So you think that she’s heartbroken because she didn’t feed her infant child breast milk longer than 6 months? That’s kind of harsh and assumptive. I bet she wasn’t heartbroken at all when she was holding that little baby of hers, feeding him a bottle knowing that she was taking such good care of him with nothing but a heart full of love wanting nothing but the best for him. By you saying that what someone gives their child is sub-par to what you give to yours, is kind of a personal attack. So I don’t blame her for trying to defend her beliefs when you’re pushing yours on her to intensely. I follow your blog all the time and this is the first time I’ve been a little put off.
Also, all of your examples of things to give a baby before going to formula, were breastmilk. Thus, as stated on several sites, making formula the next best thing to give an infant.
Amanda, I never said that *she* was heartbroken. I have a few dear friends who were unable to breastfeed for legitimate physical & emotional reasons, & this article was not meant for them because it is things they already know & could very well re-open an old wound. If any mother who was *unable* to breastfeed would be hurt by this article, it was not meant for her, which is what I previously stated.
I am not pushing “my” beliefs onto her. These are the beliefs of every reputable health organization in the world. I’m not here to discuss whether or not you think something I said was “kind of harsh.” I am stating the FACTS about breastmilk. If you are “put off” by my discussion of the FACTS, then you are free to not read what I have to say.
I’m not sure if you’re confusing my blog with another because this is only the 3rd thing I have written. Have a good night!
Loved this article! Thank you! And you are doing an amazing job at replying to the negative comments – much better than I ever would
Thanks Jill! I have had some practice; it seems that every time breastfeeding is mentioned as superior & proper to do in public, a lot of anger surfaces, unfortunately.
Thank you for posting! It’s always surprising to me how many negative responses come from articles like this! You are definitely right that it comes from a very defensive place, also just plain ignorance. I hope these articles keep coming despite the negativity, they help give me the courage to continue to proudly nourish my six-month old daughter in public- by breast, of course- for as long as she wants/needs to nurse!
Amazingly well and gracefully written article coming from a place of love, concern, and respect for the delimma women are in (having to choose between the health – and well-being – of their child on one hand and social ostracism on the other), as well as the difficulty that women face dealing with confusing, uncomfortable, and possibly very painful feelings that quite obviously and understandably arise from becoming educated on this subject and being made aware of all we have learned concerning the health implications of not breastfeeding (or providing breastmilk) to young children. This is a tough spot for these parents, having to deal with the realities of confronting the possible effects on a mother’s child that her not having breastfed that child could have. It can also be difficult for grown children to deal with the very scary fact that their parents – while they may have had the best of intentions and been very loving, caring, and devoted – could have put them in position of having their potential for a much healthy life compromised. This too can be very, very difficult, and it is understandable that these folks would react with such anger, vehemence bordering hostility, and incongruous arguments. I commend your patience and understanding when replying to the negative responses others have had to your article, and appreciate your grace. It is a quality you can never have to much of in a mother or an educator or anyone educating the masses of simple facts in advocating for the powerless, babies in this case. What better cause for a Mom? Thank you for your labor of love.
O Zachary Riley, I am assuming from your name that you are a dude & it makes me SO happy to hear this perspective from a man! Thank you for your support.
Fantastic article! Expresses the state of breastfeeding in our culture perfectly. Well done Kristen!
Kristen is in no way attacking any bottle feeding mothers, simply stating the facts, so research the links those who are getting upset! I breastfed, and moved on to bottle feeding to early unfortunately. Does that mean I’m offended by the facts stated in Kristens article – hell no! Instead it’s made me passionate about educating other mothers who still have the opportunity to breastfeed, so they can get the info I never did, and make far healthier babies for it.
The fact is compared to breastmilk, formula is sub-par. It’s a fact, not an insult! If you didn’t know that before, well now you know better. I’m feel sorry for you mothers that feel so personally offended by the facts stated above, it obviously touches a raw spot for you. But it’s informative facts we are talking about, not personal slander against anyone. To treat it as such would be irrational.
As for someone saying the older generation are more offended by breastfeeding – the most supportive person I’ve ever had for my breastfeeding was my 89 year old, gentleman grandfather. He brags about his mother who breast fed another child down the road from him who’s mother could not produce milk, when he was also feeding from his mother as a baby. To him it is plain common sense!
Again very well written Kristen, keep them coming!
Thank you so much for this article…I breastfed my third child exclusively until he ws about 18-19 months, and I think that was the best thing ever. My son was not subject to ear infections, nasty colds and I would like to believe that it had everything to do with breastfeeding.
Again I LOVE THIS ARTICLE, LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a brand new first time mom, I saw myself in this article. Sadly. While attending a surgeons appointment with my husband, when i asked where i could breastfeed my one month old daughter who was screaming at the top of her lungs with hunger, I was directed to the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet seat (where there was no lid attached) trying to balance and not drop my daughter, I found myself upset to the point of tears! Asking myself why this baby is having to eat where a person had just gone to the washroom, and why I allowed these strangers to make me feel like an outcast. When i was pregnant I told myself I would never bring myself to “hiding” when I breastfed, and here I was. Putting opinions before my daughters health and safety, and putting opinions before my own rights and self esteem . I am proud to be a woman, proud to be a mother, and proud to be doing the most natural, and most benefical thing a mother can do…BREASTFEEDING!
Great article. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Ashleigh, my heart breaks when I think of women feeling forced to feed their babies in such unsanitary conditions. I am often a very quiet, timid, modest person and know that without the support and love from articles like this and groups like La Leche I wouldn’t know anything but to hide in a bathroom too.
I agree that breastfeeding is the most important nutrition for a baby, I am at 6.5 months breastfeeding my son and still going strong:) I am lucky that I have had a lot of support in breastfeeding my son. My Grandma is so proud of me, she wasn’t able to nurse past a few months since her milk dried up with all of her kids at that time (probably due to the fact that she was working so hard taking care of her other kids, running a household, and helping my Grandpa out at the gas station). Honestly, one of the main reasons that kept me breastfeeding when it was really tough in the beginning (thrush, cracked and bleeding nipples, ect) was how much money it would save in the long run. I just didn’t want
to pay for formula! Now I think that breastfeeding is so much more convinent and I am so glad I stuck to it. I don’t berate or blame or look down on other mothers who formula feed, their children will grow up to be strong and healthy just like my son. I will however offer any support advice and encouragement to any mother who want to nurse their child. And honestly, I will nurse in public but I do use a cover. I am a modest person and do not feel comfortable showing the whole world my breasts. But I do live in Canada where temperature and overheating isn’t usually a problem and I understand how living in a hot climate could change my view on that:)
Thank you again for all of your kind words of support. This is my first foray into public writing, so your encouragement means so much!
I will be writing at least weekly– Sundays– so feel free to stop by again & add to the discussion! <3
I am so happy to see women out there who are sharing the word about how important brestfeeding is. Even the men advocates are so important. Unfortunately, I was one of those who had “REAL” complications. My daughter was a premie born at 32 weeks, due to my developing Pre-Eclampsia. Now, I had a midwife and planned to have her at home and do everything naturaly, but unfortunately there were other plans for us. I was forced to go a completely opposite direction and had a C-section to save our lives. But even when I came out of surgery and was stable I started pumping immediately. The collasturum and the milk I did produce for 3 weeks that was tube fed to my daughter was so vital to her growth. After we brought her home at only about 4.5lbs. I saw Lactation Consultants and nurses and did everything I could to breastfeed her, but with being premature it was not working. I tried for a few more weeks and then my milk started to dry up, I took Fenugreek and all kinds of teas but it was time to accept reality. Now, I cant say that Formula was horrible, beacuse it’s not. It made it so my daughter had something to eat, but it is very true about how important it is to try to breastfeed. I did everything else these last 2.5 years to keep my daughter healthy. I made her baby food and I worked hard to give her a balanced diet. And now she is a happy, energetic 25lb little girl.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I am glad you know that although I am a passionate advocate for a woman’s right to breastfeed in public & a woman’s right to breastfeeding education, I do not judge women who were unable to breastfeed. As I told another commentor, my son was fed organic formula one night when I was rehospitalized for hemorrhaging. Everything has its place. I’m so happy to hear that you are providing your daughter with healthy food; there are so many ways to keep our kids happy & healthy!
I did not breastfeed my daughter! There I said it and I make no apologies for it. I do support women who make the choice to breasfeed and I agree they should be able to feed their child anywhere and anytime they need to and not in some gross bathroom. That being said get off your pedestal about women who choose to formula feed their babies. We ALL do what we feel is best for our children. Your responses to other posters were rude and agressive. You make it sound like women who say their milk never came in were just making excuses. Mine never came in…. nothing at all…. I owe no one an apology or an explanation for that.
The dabates can go on and on…. how long do you keep a child rear facing? To vaccinate or not? Make your own baby food or buy jars? The list is endless. Everyone makes their own choices on all of these things and we don’t all make the same ones or agree…. live and let live. None of us are harming our children. Everything we do is out of love.
Basically I find a good portion of what you wrote to be very judgemental of people who didn’t make the same decisions as you.
Can you quote me where I said something that was purely judgemental & not simply based on fact? There is a difference between stating “formula is sub-par” which is proven fact & insinuating that formula-feeding women are somehow bad or sub-par humans. I have friends & family who have chosen or needed to formula feed & I love them. I just want women to make what has been *proven* to be the right choice if breastfeeding is at all possible.
I know that some women honestly don’t produce milk. I also know that many women believe their milk didn’t come in when in reality they were simply unaware that it can take several days. I learned this fact from doing years of research on breastfeeding & possible complications.
I assure you that my responses to other posters were not rude or aggressive; I was not feeling either rude or aggressive at all & I tried to reply with compassion. I can’t help it if you read something into my words that simply does not exist.
You say that everyone has the right to their own choices, but I ask: when is it the choice of the mother & when does the child’s right to proper nutrition get to be considered?
Kristen, I can’t commend you enough on this article and your replies to the negative comments. You are doing an outstanding job of increasing awareness and knowledge of breastfeeding and its benefits. I’ve posted this to my Facebook and linked to it on my blog in hopes that every woman I know, who ever plans to have a baby, will read this article. Thank you and keep up the great work!
.-= The Happy Hippie Homemaker´s last blog ..World Breasfeeding Week! =-.
Thank you SO much! Phew, I needed your words right now!
I read your article; it was very encouraging! You speak the truth in a bold but loving & compassionate way.
I can’t believe a person a can get offended by an article such as this! Kristen you answer the irrational comments with such patience! It is a very, factual, informative article, one that everyone needs to read, especially mothers.
How can stating the facts be “judgemental”? It amazes me that when someone feels guilty, they immediately blame someone else for it, instead of owning the pain and doing something about it!
As mothers we do everything we can, based on the knowledge and resources we have, we don’t have anything to feel guilty about! However we will always wish we had done better for our children because we love them.
As mothers we have to accept that we’re not always perfect, and yes it may be pointed out we got it wrong. So accept it, learn from it, research it, and spread the word.
Thank you Cherie, very much.
I breastfed both my kids. I breastfed my son till he was 21 months (till the end of my first trimester) and I am currently breastfeeding my 15 month old. I LOVE the bond that we share and I love that I am giving them the best possible start in life by fulfilling not only their health needs but their emotional needs as well. I think it also fulfills a lot of my emotional needs as a mother too so for us it is definitely a win win situation
.-= Nadia´s last blog ..Mama- Can We Finger Paint =-.
I ammended my piece to include this article written by Hobo Mama; it is intended for everyone, but especially the women who are commenting that they have been offended by my listing of facts.
http://www.hobomama.com/2010/08/formula-feeders-and-bottle-users.html
Thank you Kristen for sharing all this information and putting it in such a straightfoward impacting way! I especially loved this: “…but I can’t fail to provide the facts for fear of offending…I readily admit that when a mother *chooses* formula when she *is able* to breastfeed, I am confused & concerned. But I try not to judge, although I do believe judgement is a natural side effect of care & concern.”
I’m writing a few posts for this week’s breastfeeding week. Today I’m ironically giving away an Udder Covers nursing cover (since I don’t use it) and tomorrow hope to discuss a different perspective of the whole “covering up” problem. I hope you don’t mind if I share/link your article as it pretty much says what I want to say! Thanks for your encouragement and strength!
E
.-= Erika Marie´s last blog ..Breastfeeders have Talent CoNtEsT! =-.
Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe that some of you so much as think women who don’t breastfeed their baby feel guilty about it! None of you know anything about these women and why they chose to go the formula route so how can you say that they’re dealing with the “harsh realities” of not breastfeeding or that their “grown children to deal with the very scary fact that their parents – while they may have had the best of intentions and been very loving, caring, and devoted – could have put them in position of having their potential for a much healthy life compromised”? That’s an incredible accusation and really does get me fired up. No parent ever feels that they are compromising the health of their child. Ever. It makes me sick to my stomach that Zachary would make a claim that a child would feel that way, or that a parent would feel that they put their child in that position. Every parent does what they feel is right for them and for their child, and whatever decision that is, is no one’s business. The people responding to this article that are coming off as aggressive, aren’t coming off that way out of guilt. They’re coming off that way because some of you are assuming that they’re feeling guilty and a bad parent.
And yes, when you come right out and say that formula is “sub-par” it does and will make those that chose that route, feel like you’re looking at them as if they’re a “sub-par” parent. They don’t think they are, but you think they are. No one wants anyone to feel like others think they don’t have their child’s best interest at heart.
Let it be known that I breastfed my baby for 5 months and after that, my milk dried up for reasons out of my control. I had to switch to formula and you know what? Other than the regular well-baby visits, my child has not once, ever been sick.
No parent ever feels that they are compromising the health of their child? Ever? Really.
That’s interesting since children are horribly abused every single day by people who are fully aware that they are destroying their child mentally & physically.
In regards to breastfeeding, I have heard many mothers say that they know breastfeeding is much healthier but they chose formula because they wanted to drink/smoke, or didn’t want their “boobs to sag.” I’m afraid your view is idealistic, not realistic. There absolutely are parents who put their own desires above the health & wellness of the child; I have seen it many times & it DOES pertain to breastfeeding. Every parent does NOT do what they believe is best for their child– not even close!!! Some parents do & if you’re one of them, congrats.
If you believe every parent has the right to make their own choices & it’s no one’s business, surely this applies to physical, sexual & mental abuse as well. 3 million reports of abuse happen every year in the U.S., but I suppose that’s the “personal decision” of the parent. Sad.
I was formula-fed & I have suffered several of the illnesses that are now officially linked to lack of breastfeeding. I relate to what Zachary says because I do believe my health was compromised. Mandy, you do not speak for all of us.
It is wonderful that you were able to breastfeed your child. It is unfortunate that your milk dried up, whether you feel guilty about it or not & **I hope you don’t.** Your personal anecdote of your child never being sick is swell but doesn’t alter the facts even remotely.
If I say formula is “sub-par” & a parent then feels that I am saying they are a “sub-par” parent, this is no longer my issue. It is then an issue of intellectual honesty at which point the parent needs to use their own discernment to recognize what the comment actually pertains to. If they are incapable of doing that, it still doesn’t mean that I won’t state the FACTS about breastfeeding.
That’s like me being offended because you tell me the toy I just handed my child is dangerous & has been recalled. Does you informing me mean you think I am a bad parent? Hardly.
For the record, I never said in my article that parents feel guilty about formula-feeding. That was not the point of my writing. In my personal experience, having been involved in the mothering/breastfeeding community for a few years, I have indeed met mothers who feel guilty about their choice or being unable to breastfeed. I have been told that the anger comes from guilt in some cases, so again, your personal anecdote doesn’t change much aside from giving yourself a voice.
kristen,
i applaud your efforts! i’m pressed for time so i’ll cut to the chase. when breastfeeding moms say ‘breastmilk is best,’ some people read ‘formula is worst.’ following the line of reasoning of someone who may not feel 100% confident as a mother (and who does ever feel 100%, certainly not me!), i begin to feel like i made a bad parenting choice for feeding my child formula. then, i begin to feel bad for taking a risk with my precious child’s health, and i take everything you say IN SUPPORT OF BREASTFEEDING to be a blatant attack on my parenting.
in truth, breastfeeding advocacy and information such as you provide isn’t like that. it’s just the facts. don’t apologize for others feelings; only we can LET ourselves be hurt by others.
i formula fed my older 3 children due to lack of support and lack of true information and education on breastfeeding. my 4th was breastfed until 26.5 months and my 5th is still breastfed at 10 months. i formula fed. i breastfed. formula isn’t the greatest food for a baby, breastmilk USUALLY is. i don’t have guilt, therefore i am not angry for what you have written. i did what i did, and i’m okay with it.
great info, great blog!
jen
.-= Jen aka boobs4milk´s last blog ..DDouble DDuty =-.
Thanks for the shout out!
sure thanks for letting me share!
on another note, it’s sad to see such a ‘rage’ against your article. I don’t understand if a mom is confident in her decision what would make her put the energy into commenting against an article such as this?
.-= Erika Marie´s last blog ..Breastfeeding for the Soul =-.