Two days ago thousands of mothers flocked to Targets across the nation like they do every day but this time, with breasts full & nipples poised to launch a milk attack against the retail giant. The demonstration or “nurse-in” was in response to a lactating female being asked to feed her child in a changing room, away from public view, rather than in a corner of the store days earlier. Upon hearing this news, leaking women from all over the United States descended upon their local Tar-zhays with babies and proceeded to feed them from their private parts as a way of saying “We’re here, you can leer, get used to it”
What breastfeeding mothers don’t seem to realize is that it is entirely inappropriate to expose upstanding citizens to teat nourishment in a public setting. We’re thrilled that you’ve chosen to feed your child the way nature intended but do we have to see it? I mean, we don’t pee in public (unless we’re drunk) and would prefer that you would show us the same courtesy.
Here are a few tips that mothers should & need to adopt to help the rest of us feel comfortable.
1) Use a cover. Every time. There are many fancy ones on the market. Damask. Lace-trimmed. Or how about a swaddling cloth (if it’s good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you kid)? Statistics show that human beings love being in confined spaces. Babies are on their way to becoming full humans so this applies to them as well. I personally eat many of my meals under a loosely draped fitted sheet in my bedroom and find it quite enjoyable. The importance of air circulation has been exaggerated by democrats and Al Gore; do not be fooled. When your baby’s mouth is fully affixed to your udder leaving only two little nostrils to breathe, why wouldn’t she love breathing in repeat Co2?
During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby’s nose scuba-style so that cool air can be retrieved without making us all barf from the sight of your boob flesh.
2) Use a bathroom. Who doesn’t love a public restroom? The next time your baby starts fussing for a taste of your nectar, find the nearest stall or portable potty and nurse standing upright. I suggest a few arm curls at home to deal with the wriggling and maneuvering. If there’s no hook for your diaper bag, just put it on the floor or toilet. If you’ve used your uterus more than once and have a 2nd, or worse, 3rd child in tow, ask the critters to join you in the stall for their safety. It’s like a party! Don’t worry, if you’ve raised them right they won’t touch anything. Perhaps an iPad will keep them busy.
Good babies nurse for between 10-15 minutes so you’ll be out of there before you know it.
If you’re rude enough to bring a baby to a public eatery, it’s still your responsibility to leave the table for the bathroom to nurse. Your meal will be waiting when you return. If your appetite is affected by the smell of light sewage, consider the fantastic weight-loss ramifications and be grateful.
The message is simple: whatever you are doing in public, drop it to move to a private area. Shopping? Leave the cart. At a remote park? Find an abandoned train car. Be considerate.
3) Stay home. It would be easier for you and all of us if you just spent the day in your casa. There’s lots to do: television, hanging out in the backyard (don’t nurse there unless you have a high enough wall- again, RESPECT), cooking, cleaning, laundry, and of course, Facebook. This way you won’t be tempted to whip out a milk bag while the working world goes about their important business.
4) Use bottles. When you leave the house, switch to bottles. If your baby hasn’t used them before, shame on you for not preparing your infant for the real world. Everyone knows that it is very simple for babies to switch between the breast and bottles and won’t at all impact his or her ability to continue breastfeeding in a socially appropriate setting.
Pumping breastmilk is simple, fast, and easy. Just squirt out a a gallon, save it in the fridge and pour it into one of the thousands of bottles available on the market as you need it. Yes your breasts will become painfully engorged, hard to the touch, and will most likely soak your shirt when you’re out & about, but isn’t knowing you’re saving the rest of us from feeling mildly uncomfortable worth it? Take one for the team.
If your baby refuses the bottle, just keep pressing. You’ll break her spirit eventually. If not, see bullet #3.
5) Try formula. Why are you breastfeeding anyway, selfish woman? Not only are you denying others from bonding with your baby via feeding, you’re ruining a pair of perfectly good boobs. Despite the claims of science, breasts are to be admired, not ravished for the sake of a small child. Formula is very inexpensive and just as good for babies. Science doesn’t support my claims but I have good feelings about them. Your pious act of breastfeeding your child is not only creating unease, but making moms who use formula feel bad. Stop doing it.
6) Get some morals. Do you have sex in public? No. Then why would you engage in what is obviously a sexual act with your child? Just because something is natural, doesn’t mean we all want to see it. This isn’t France- we don’t skip around naked eating baguettes and bad smelling cheese. We’re American. We have ethics, God, and Kraft singles. I lived in Orange County and saw lots of breasts displayed in malls, but they weren’t feeding newborns and their areola areas were (generally) kept under a tank top so these women were celebrated. There are breasts splashed all over magazine racks, on television bouncing up and down to hip hop and popping out of tight plastic NASCAR bodysuits but that’s different. We’re OK with boobs if money has been exchanged. Has your cheap baby paid you? No? Then wrap it up.
In conclusion, breastfeeding is for lazy, exhibitionist, thrill-seeking mothers who have nothing better to do than to make the rest of us shrivel in disgust. Your behavior is ruining our country so if you can’t sufficiently hide it to the point that we have no idea it’s even happening, don’t do it. A grandmother somewhere said that she nursed all eight of her babies without anyone knowing and if someone did something, it means you should to. Because if there’s one thing we all know, people did things better and were far more moral in the past.
Offending people is a crime and very wrong.
This land is your land. This land is my land. From California to the New York island. From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters, this land was made for you and me. And as partial owner, you’re freaking me out.
About Bunmi Laditan
Bunmi is a mother, writer, and social media entrepreneur living in Montréal, Canada (by way of California). She has two girls ages 5 and almost 2.
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I sincerely hope this blog post is simply a poor attempt at humor and not the author’s true opinion on feeding babies naturally. You may not be comfortable enough with your own body to breastfeed, but it is wrong to treat other mothers as criminals for doing what is the best for their children.
“Poor attempt at humor”? YOU must be kidding. The piece is clearly dripping in sarcasm and the author is absolutely hilarious! No offense, but…DUH!
Haha, wow, I don’t know why it surprises me that some people have no concept of sarcasm. I think I laughed more at Lauren’s comment/attack against the article author! Clearly she has no idea why the article was written in the first place…
Hee hee
It’s OK. I get Lauren’s anger- I wrote it in the voice of a real (crazy) person. 
Bunmi, girl, I love you! This is fantastic! And it’s obviously been way too long since I’ve seen you, since I didn’t know you moved to Canada. Off to find you on FB!
I hope the above comment was a poor attempt at humor
LOL! Yeah, obviously this is a completely sarcastic article. I hope you can enjoy it. I don’t think the attempt was poor in the least. It was funny!
Poor Lauren. I agree. Sorry but sarcasm or not this article is ridiculous. It’s hard to write and get your point of sarcasm across. My husband and I didn’t find this funny. This was a complete miss.
I don’t know, I think it was hilarious. It’s so obviously sarcastic it can’t NOT be hilarious. I just think people who don’t find this funny need to 1-learn the concept of sarcasm or, 2- loosen up a little.
When I started reading this article, I felt that way, but by the end, I totally saw the sarcasm. I mean, once they mentioned sticking straws in my kids nose so they can breathe under the cover, i started laughing so hard that I had tears running down my leg!
I think you’re confused. This is obviously a j-o-k-e. As in, just kidding “HAHA!”, you know? It’s funny, I promise
Lauren, she is joking. It is called sarcasm.
Satire.
Yes, satire. Right on! Because a parody deals with something frivolous.
LOL…Thank you I really needed that laugh!!!!!!!!!! Well written! Love this! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
This is hilarious!
Hilarious. Thank you!
This was very entertaining! Thank you for highlighting the ridiculousness of people not wanting us to NIP!
We’re American. We have ethics, God, and Kraft singles.
Made.my.New.Year.
Oh yes this is so funny!!! LMAO
Great read
Hilarious!
Love it! Too many people have forgotten why we have breasts to begin with… And what sarcasm is lol! You made my day!
Hilarious! Will be sharing
I LOL at every single “suggestion”….thanks for the laugh!
Funny as Suga Honey Ice Tea! I didn’t even know this event happened and still participated… Fed my precious right in the Starbucks cafe area in full view of the stores’ check out lanes and man was it packed full of adoring women that couldn’t wait to get a look at Miss Morganna! They all applauded me for nursing her and was amazed at what a calm happy baby she is! Duh! She doesn’t have to wait for her meals and they all come prewarmed!
You rock my world, mama B!
“I personally eat many of my meals under a loosely draped fitted sheet in my bedroom and find it quite enjoyable.”
That really tickled me!
No mention of the outrageous offence of seeing bottle feeding in public? Those wicked bottles are just breasts in disguise and should be covered up too. Perhaps they could be made to look like a bottle of wine.
Better yet, a bottle of Coke.
A bottle of Coke? Are you implying that if you feed your baby formula, as opposed to breast milk, that you are feeding your baby pure crap?
Oh, but didn’t you know that breastmilk is no different from coca-cola? It was on national television, so it must be true. http://hoydenabouttown.com/20100201.7216/nestle-sponsored-tv-show-breastmilk-no-different-from-coca-cola/
I think she more meant that a bottle of coke is more acceptable then seeing a breast or even a bottle. Babies are awful things that should not be seen eating. LOL
I hope you’re right! I would agree with that, then
If breastfeeding is sexual, then bottles are dildos
LOL!
“We’re American. We have ethics, God, and Kraft singles.” Amazing! Thank you for the laugh this morning!
Lauren, I thought it was a pretty good attempt at humor… it made me laugh! Especially this part:
“During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby’s nose scuba-style so that cool air can be retrieved without making us all barf from the sight of your boob flesh.”
Priceless!
I hope maybe some of the people who really believe these are good “tips” can read this and realize how ridiculous they are!!
This is awesome! Personally there is nothing I love more than eating my lunch in a port-a-pottie in the middle of the summer. Oh and I also love draping a towel over my head, it’s too bad I never thought of the scuba straws, I’ll have to try that with number two.
Seriously, though, well done! I would have laughed but my toddler is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.
This is a fabulous article! Thanks for posting…I will be sharing voraciously!
Awe.some. Every point you made was great. My favorite: having a party with you kids in the toilet. Fun!!
I’m am so glad I kept reading until the end as I now have tears from laughing so hard my belly aches.
I think this is the best commentary I have ever read about NIP.
I love a good satire.
Hey now, if eating under a napkin is good enough for priests eating ortolans, it’s good enough for your baby!
*Note, that was sarcasm, in case you missed it.*
Finally someone wrote what I think when I ready anti-breastfeeders give “advice”! Lol awesome
Hahaha I love it! So true, so true.
This post makes me wish I was still breastfeeding so I could go NIP! Thanks for the laugh and the support to all those mothers who feel discriminated against!
The Kraft singles comment nearly made me spit my tea on my computer screen through my nose! Thanks!
Well done. Just love it! Completely refreshing from a mom who clearly understands. A response to the editorial in the Buffalo News?
The first comment was almost as funny as the original post!
Agreed!
LOVE IT!! even my 11 year old daughter laughed. I proudly BF’d all 5 of mine in public
Awesome…I loved it! Thank you for the laugh…I needed one after having to fight my own mother on the issue of breastfeeding in public!
Funniest thing ever! I will be sharing. Thank you for the laugh. Really well-written, too.
I love this article so much that I think I might love you, too.
How does anyone see these arguments as anything less than ridiculous??? It’s beyond me!
Absolutely fantastic!!!! Well done!
I laughed till I cried – great job!
Genius. I love this. It’s the best satire piece on this topic i’ve seen.!
Oh my word of this is amazing this is perhaps the best post on breastfeeding I have ever read…….. sharing this on facebook and I hope people read it. so many good points made in a lighthearted manner. bring all the kids in the bathroom stall it’s like a party !!! Let me stop whatever I’m doing in public and find a private place…. I cannot even express in words how great this article is . bravo bravo bravo : ))))
Ladies, from now on when you go out to eat in a restaurant, be sure to bring an extra blanket, large. When someone tells you to cover up, smile and say “Sure thing! And here’s a blanket for YOU to eat YOUR meal under. Since YOU will be eating covered up, and won’t be able to see us, I am sure we won’t offend you. Therefore, it won’t be necessary for US to be covered. Bon Appetit!”
best. suggestion. ever. LOL!
I love this. The sarcasm is great!!!! We all need to take ourselves a little lightly sometimes. The sad thing is I have heard a lot of these comments at my LLL. I have been talked down to there for being an open nurser by now leaders. It’s sad when it’s our support groups that criticize for public open nursing!!! We should nurse openly it normalizes it for the next generation!
Hey “awkwardmama”,
Just read your post about your local LLLL’s being against public breastfeeding. If they talk about this now as LLLLs, and whilst they are in their role as LLLLs, they are not living up to their roles. Leaders are supposed to talk from fact and not mention personal opinions/experiences. It’s part of the communication training.
Perhaps next time something is mentioned by them whilst they are “in role” you can say in response “what is LLL’s official position on NIP?”
http://www.llli.org/nb/nbpublic.html
Love this! I couldn’t stop giggling!
yes, yes, yes!
Bravo!! I absolutely love it!!! I always NIP and always had comments to others dripping in sarcasm. Forget Nursing in Public, ,let us Mama’s Nurse In Peace!!!!
Hey Gang – don’t pick on Lauren.
I was also a little slow to get it. A few sentences in I was thinking “oh-oh”. It wasn’t until “scuba straws” that I knew for sure the author was joking. But OMG – hysterical. LOVE this!!!
I was the same. Maybe I’m a little slow, but so many differing opinions out there! I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.
We don’t have to stop breastfeeding, just get our priorities straight. The “feelings” of people who are out in public, capable of looking elsewhere, and who should never be “forced” to happen to glance a portion of skin of an adult are more important than providing sanitary, well-ventilated eating environment for your infant or toddler. Be considerate, but not of the young and helpless…of those who can tweet!
Hysterical! Thank you!
Maybe it’s time for a man’s view on this.
The article was very entertaining and funny, but I am amazed at how many women think it’s OK to breastfeed in public without covering up. BerkshireMom’s comment in particular. That seems to be the typical “I’m going to do what I want and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with it” attitude that permeates society today. Very selfish. Not at all concerned with how you might be making everyone else around you feel.
It would be so simple to cover up and avoid the whole conflict, but no, apparently, “It’s all about me.”
That’s just it. It isn’t easy to cover up. I’ve tried. A lot. My child has full on screamed and wrestled with blankets and covers since she was born (and now, at almost 7 months old.)
If it was easy, I’d have no problem doing it. But it’s so tough that even those of us who planned to cover up and nurse in public often don’t. Because it actually makes more of a spectacle. Your babe is screaming, and you’re wrestling your bra, top, breast, and baby under a blanket they desperately want to kick off.
I get where you’re coming from, but it’s just not feasible for a lot of us.
And nourishing my child is more important than a stranger’s opinion of me. Sorry. That’s just how my priorities lie. I’m discreet about it; I’ve never been criticized for it, and I’ve never flashed a single soul. But I have a legal right to feed my child in the best way I (and research shows) know how.
Brilliant response!
One might want to consider that it is selfish of people who have issues with female chest flesh (men seem to be OK with going toplesss) to demand women cover up. It’s selfish of you to not turn your head if you are offended. The needs of an infant outweigh your need to feel comfortable. The need for a woman to be able to feed her child without feeling as if she needs to hide under a tarp outweigh your feelings of uncomfortable arousal or nervousness.
It’s not a woman’s job to make men feel comfortable when she is caring for her infant and juggling life. It is selfish of people to ask others to conform to their level of modesty.
PS. I was very uncomfortable with the clothes you had on today. Tomorrow, please wear something different. See how ridiculous that sounds?
Adults need to learn to deal with their discomfort. It is not one’s job to morally police others.
Well said!
Thanks Brittany. I find the whole conversation bizarre. A brief glance at American history takes us to times when showing knees and shoulders was considered risque. Where women who showed knees behaving inappropriately? No. They were going against the social norm of the time.
Nursing women who find it difficult or ridiculous to have to go through lengths to “cover up” a part of the body that has been oversexualized to the point of lunacy are not being inappropriate. They are taking care of their children.
It takes a lot of nerve for an individual to impose their standard of modest- whether it’s knees, elbows, shoulders or breasts on someone else. Especially when the action being taken is as vital to a healthy life as breastfeeding.
Be uncomfortable for 2.5 seconds and then use your neck muscles to turn your head. That’s what I do when I see leggings worn as pants. I turn my head. Because my feelings are not law and they do not bind anyone. They’re my feelngs- a set of acquired judgements based on my culture, upbringing, and interpretation of life. They’re not all that important.
It’s so true! My husband was just saying how he’d rather see women breast-feeding everywhere than the clothing some women choose to wear. His point was that he sees more breast in certain fashion statements than he does when I, or our friends, nurse in public. And he’s a very “modest” person. Regardless, he doesn’t say anything to the scantily clad. Why the heck would he? It’s none of his business, regardless of his opinion.
Again, thanks for the amazing post:)
“Be uncomfortable for 2.5 seconds and then use your neck muscles to turn your head. That’s what I do when I see leggings worn as pants. I turn my head.”
Love.this.
Perfection and completely true on all points.
“The needs of an infant outweigh your need to feel comfortable. The need for a woman to be able to feed her child without feeling as if she needs to hide under a tarp outweigh your feelings of uncomfortable arousal or nervousness.”
I’m sorry, WHY exactly does one person’s needs outweigh another? Are you better because you gave birth? I have no problem with your breast feeding in public, as long as you don’t get offended if I stare. It’s natural. But you can’t say one person, even an infant, has more important needs than anyone else.
Yes, an infant’s right to nourishment is more important than an adult’s so-called “right” to be comfortable.
Even though I mostly agree with Evan (although the responses are changing my mind), you’re wrong.
1) We’re talking about the needs of two people (mom and baby) vs. the needs of one (you, the viewer). 2 > 1.
2) Yours isn’t a need, it’s a preference. As a normal, emotionally stable adult you are not long-term affected by seeing a boob. Even the mother’s desire to not cover up isn’t really a need either, but in the scheme of things her comfort affects her ability to properly nourish her child (as children pick up on emotional state), and therefore her want should be given greater weight than yours.
2b) However, the baby’s need for a comfortable dining experience affects her well-being, and therefore IS a need. Need > want
It’s not a question of “who’s better”, but rather of which is more cosmically important.
Alex,
There is a big difference between a need and a want. You WANT to be comfortable; to never see a woman’s breast being used to nourish an infant.
The baby, however, NEEDS to be nourished.
I agree, Evan. I am a nursing mom and the thought of not covering up in public has never crossed my mind. I guess some of us have common courtesy and some don’t. Everyone has their own opinion and that’s fine. I just don’t want to push mine onto anyone else.
I did think the article was entertaining and comical.
When I have to feed my children my ‘common courtesy’ is being paid to my children. There is nothing for to hide when I feed them, whether it be breast, bottle or solid foods. I respect a woman’s desire to cover up but I will not be doing any of that. It doesn’t make me immodest or someone lacking respect. It makes me NORMAL.
I often see those who are either anti-NIP or are uncomfortable say that breastfeeding moms should cover up so that others will be comfortable or that moms who NIP are being disrespectful of those around her,well why should she forgo her own comfort levels to appease others? Why is the breastfeeding mother always the one being disrespectful isn’t respect a 2 way street?
Well, I am uncomfortable taking my teenage sons out because of women dressed in low cut tops, thongs showing above their pants, belly shirts and other garmets that do not cover up their bodies…..but you are uncomfortable with a women who has a baby, a purse, a diaper bag and possibly another child on her lap showing a little skin!! I bet you never are uncomfortable with the Hooters Girls!
Evan,
I suggest you carry your child around for 15 or so minutes with a blanket draped over both your shoulder and your child. This will give you a great idea of how “easy” and comfortable it is.
Yes, Evan, it is time a man weighed in on the subject. When you find one, please direct him to this article.
My husband has never commented on a woman breastfeeding in public. You know why? Because he is a real man. He is therefore not disgusted by the sight of a breast, not selfish enough to ask another person to go out of her way to make him comfortable, and not threatened by the idea of a breast being used for a purpose other than his sexual pleasure. He knows that the relationship between a nursing mother and her child is an important and personal one and he looks the other way because it is none of his business. He extends the same courtesy to nursing mothers that he hopes others will extend to me and our daughter.
This is what grown up men do. What does that make you?
My husband, who is the father to our five breastfed children, just regards it as wonderful if we or he happens to see a woman breastfeeding in public. He knows that the mama is providing optimum nourishment for her baby (which costs society less in the end, as affordable healthcare begins with b’feeding) and that they are doing exactly what nature intended.
His outlook on the whole issue is that if someone is offended by a woman breastfeeding in public, then they should by all means put a towel over their own head.
I should also mention– my dad is a Lutheran pastor in his 70s who believes that babies should be fed whenever they are hungry, or nursed whenever they need comforting… even in church, if that’s when they need it; even if mama is sitting in the front row of church. No need to cover anything beyond normal discretion. He’s never had a mama whip out her boobies in the front row and wag them in his face during a service; they’re just trying to feed their wee ones. And the babies who are b’fed at early signs of hunger in church are the quiet babies…
That’s not a mans view Evan. That’s your view. I totally support my wife breastfeeding when we are out. It’s not just about my wife, it’s about all of us. What if I want to take my wife out to dinner? Am I supposed to go alone just because our baby is breastfed? Am I supposed to leave my baby at home with a sitter? What is it any of your business what I do? In my family when we do things as a family, we take the whole family, baby included & we’ll feed the baby just like we feed our other kids & ourselves. Free country & all that.
Evan…do you have a baby? Can you borrow one for 10 mins or so? Please do. If/Once you have obtained said baby, I respectfully suggest you fill a bottle and procceed to feed baby under a blanket at the earliest opportunity. The blanket must completely cover the entire baby and your chest, starting prior to offering the bottle. For further accuracy, please have the bottle stored in a snug fitting bra, which you must unhooked to remove bottle, and keep your shirt above your nipple throughout the entire feeding. Once you have completed this simple little trial, please do come back and instruct us poor uncoordinated mommas on how to do it. Don’t forget a step by step tutorial. I’m a visual Learner.
E: “I am amazed at how many women think it’s OK to breastfeed in public without covering up”
M: Why wouldn’t it be okay? It’s how humans feed their babies.
E: “BerkshireMom’s comment in particular. That seems to be the typical “I’m going to do what I want and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with it” attitude that permeates society today. Very selfish. Not at all concerned with how you might be making everyone else around you feel.”
M: Actually, the mothers are going by INSTINCT and are reacting to what their baby biologically needs, which for babies is also a WANT. Infants and babies needs are equivalent to wants, they need/want. If the needs aren’t met, they’ll cry the house down.
Children and adults have needs and wants. A need for food and nourishment and love, like babies, but this is separate from wants. I want another chocolate. I want to wear those jeans. I want an iPad. I want women to breastfeed in private so that I don’t feel uncomfortable. If those wants aren’t met, some will tantrum, some will act out. But these are WANTS not biological needs.
“It would be so simple to cover up and avoid the whole conflict, but no, apparently, “It’s all about me.”
It’s been said already, but it’s not simple to cover up. And covers draw more attention than just breastfeeding.
I am directing this comment to Evan in manspeak. Ladies, you are welcome to engage but please excuse the crudeness with which I speak…
Dude, it’s just some side-boob and maybe a flash of nip’ (not to be confused with NIP). I am sure you are damaged by some sort of fundamental flaw in your upbringing, maybe daddy didn’t like mommy (or you) or the church you attended was a little stuck in the 50s, but chill out. Do you have children of your own? If yes, then you must be a hassidic jew, or Amish, If no then kindly STFU, vote for Rick Santorum and bitch about it when he doesn’t get elected.
Ladies, let me tell you, the biggest obstacle to Women being able to NIP, is other women. I see more Women that want to shelter their children from the sight of human flesh then anything. Guys like Evan are not the norm, guys like Alex are considerably more prevalent in society (which is fine) Guys like me… well, let’s say God broke the mold after I was born, and I am married, so tough luck
Ah yes but to you the “its all about me and what I want” attitude is PERFECTLY fine for the hot chick exposing more of her T&A than any of us nursing moms do I’m sure. :p
Yes, funny how nobody seems bothered by girls in skimpy tops and booty shorts, or the half naked celebrities on magazine covers, but when it comes to nursing in public, suddenly everyone is oh-so-concerned about “decency.”
Amazing article! Wish I’d written it myself! AMEN a thousand times over:) Definitely re-posting this!:)
What the f);;$k why would you even bother publishing this? Why even publish negativity ? I am at a complete loss of how our race has lost touch with itself what the bloody hell is wrong with us breast feeding is the most natural thing a woman can do … God help me if someone ever says that to me !
Ummm… Did you even *READ* the article?
I agree did you even read this?!?! If you just glance over it (like I did at first) i could totally understand why you would be upset. However if you read it you will find it funny, unless you dont get sarcasim
I’m sorry…you are dumb.
Evan, it would be even simpler for the person watching the nursing mother to turn away and avoid the whole conflict. Truly, you are okay with teenage girs wearing hotpants to church, but threatened by a mother caring for an infant?
Thanks everyone.
I appreciate the kind comments!
Hello,
I am researching attitudes about mothering with some of my colleagues at the University of Mary Washington and our students. We are collecting data from mothers over the age of 18. The purpose of this study is to learn more about how beliefs about parenting, including about breast feeding, relate to maternal well-being.
http://edu.surveygizmo.com/s3/760064/Mothering-Attitudes-Survey
Feel free to share this information and link with your friends. You can post it on other online venues you feel might be appropriate as well.
Thanks in advance for your help!
Miriam Liss, Ph.D.
Associate Professor of Psychology
University of Mary Washington
1301 College Avenue
Fredericksburg, Virginia 22401
Phone: 540-654-1552
Fax: 540-654-1836
looooooooooooooooooove it. made me laugh out loud, woke up my (gasp!) cosleeping baby. sharing it. some of the comments have made me laugh too, but in a less friendly way. x
I can’t believe the author of this article has ever breastfeed a baby period or tried to breastfeed in a public bathroom stall with or without a toddler in tow. It isn’t a comfortable place to go to the bathroom let alone breastfeed a baby and have a toddler hang out for 20 minutes.
Breastfeeding in public with a simple cover of some kind should be a natural event in America. It helps the mother feels included back into society. Breastfeeding isn’t public sex or necking. It is feeding a baby the way God intended a baby to be fed. Breastfeeding is something society should promote.
This is SATIRE. It’s SARCASM. It’s published by “Mothering”… honestly, people. Sense of humor, please!
Hahahahahaha. Won’t touch anything in a dirty toilet stall. Ba hahahahahahahahaha.
Evan its not all about “us” it’s about what is best for our children. If a man truly knows how crucial and important it is for a baby and toddler to get the nourishment from breastmilk then the whole issue would be dismissed. Seems to me that people are getting caught on their own feelings about the subject. If people ever bothered to look at a nursing child and see the look of content and bliss on his or her face that in itself tells you why it is important and why nursing moms and fathers that support them will Breastfeed time and time again.
My breastfeeding days are more than 25 years in the rear view mirror. Breast feeding was a lot less common then – so we were swimming upstream, I guess. I breastfed in public a lot, but found that almost no one even realized that’s what I was doing.
I go in just as many public places as anyone else, and I rarely see moms breastfeeding immodestly. I think the in-your-face attitude is mostly born of the criticism they receive for trying to do the best for their babies. Quite honestly, that attitude begins with shocked and hurt feelings. We thought moms were applauded for caring for their children rather than abusing them in public. And people really want to get overwrought over women who are breastfeeding?
It is curious to me that a woman can wear a dress cut down to there and a skirt so short she can barely even sit down, and there seems to be no outcry. Does that not seem worse to you than a young mom feeding her baby? It isn’t a germ-y bathroom activity. Personally, I think the acceptance of the inappropriate and lack of acceptance of the appropriate is a telling diagnostic of our pornified culture. The very fact that it de-sexualizes a body part commonly thought of as only sexual seems to be to be where most of the angst comes from. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but that comes pretty much just from men.
It’s true that some proponents of breastfeeding are a bit over-bearing about it, so I hear you about that, Evan. (And thank you for your attempt to be reasonable rather than to attack.) I don’t think it is a winsome or really even a necessary attitude women to take in most situations. But it’s good to remember that mothers are hard-wired to go into mama bear mode for the sake of their children. And it’s true that women who are being as discrete as possible have been the victims of overzealous airline attendants, store associates, and restaurant managers. It isn’t always an “it’s-about-me-and-tough-luck-for-you” attitude. I also have to ask what harm that’s doing anyway – even if I don’t like their attitude. Long-term damage to those who are their “victims”?
Would you rather protect your children from seeing a mother who is breastfeeding or from the porn that is completely pervasive in our culture? From the movies, magazines, and television that leads girls and women to terrible attitudes about their bodies? Parents are giving daughters breast implants for their 16th birthdays, for heaven sakes. Personally I fear for my grandchildren. Seems to me we’d be wise to re-evaluate and move on to the things that are actually damaging us and our children.
I’m not hating on “a man’s point of view.” I think some women could afford to be more sensitive and considerate. But I also hope you will be able put your viewpoint in a much larger cultural and moral context.
Ellen, thank you for sharing. I’ve heard about this “in your face” attitude but have never seen it. Has anyone actually seen a mom wagging her breasts around in an attempt to make people feel deliberately uncomfortable? Even if there are women like this, I feel as if they have little to do with mainstream breastfeeding and the emotional hits women take when attempting to do so in public.
Public breastfeeding is probably the best thing that can happen to teens. Both boys and girls. To see the female body, especially the breasts, reframed and pulled back from the marketing industry to their originally and beautiful purpose would be a wonderful thing.
What better way to combat the objectification of the female body than to highlight it’s fantastic “mechanisms” (for lack of a better word). What if girls treasured their bodies and their breasts because of their unique function rather than the shape and size compared to that of Kim Kardashians.
Breasts are not intrinsically sexual. They are an erogenous zone, yes, but for many, so are earlobes. And necks. Modesty is extremely relative. Demanding women cover up only serves to sexualize breasts even more by making them a taboo. This hurts breastfeeding as many women are too ashamed to nurse in public, many babies will not nurse covered and therefore many of these women, who want to lead normal public lives, naturally choose bottles as part of a modest lifestyle.
Many women also choose bottles because they find breastfeeding “gross.”
We need to help women and men see breasts as both beautiful, erogenous, and intended for the nourishment of children simultaneously.
I’ll say it again, modesty is relative and learned. For those who assert modest from a religious point of voice- the Bible actually talks about women covering their hair as a form of modesty. I’ve never read anything pertaining to breasts. Correct me if I’m wrong.
But even if it did, to make someone else responsible for ensuring your sense of comfort is wrong and silly. Live your life and let others live theirs.
PS. I’m totally agreeing with you! Sorry to go off- I’m a rantasauraus rex!
This pretty much sums it up!! Nice response
This was hysterical! well said.
I laughed so hard I startled my nursling and she unlatched spraying milk all over her face. Then I read the comments and laughed a little more. Sure, saying ‘i an going to do what I want and you have to deal with it’ sounds selfish, but so does ‘i don’t care if your child is hungry and you are in pain, or that your shirt is getting wet, you have offended my delicate sensibilities and must be punished. You are henceforth banished to the bathroom where I don’t have too look at you!’
LOL!!
Well, Evan, my husband, father, and both brothers think it is selfish to ask women to cover up while doing something normal!
How do you like them apples?
Mothers have a tough enough job, let them get on with it! If you have a problem looking at breast feeding then it seems simple enough to simply not look. Easy, really.
Bahahahaha!!!! This is hilarious!! I loved it!
I absolutely L.O.V.E.D this! It was so funny!! I was laughing so hard at the “This isn’t France- we don’t skip around naked eating baguettes and bad smelling cheese. We’re American. We have ethics, God, and Kraft singles.” Very well put!!! A million thanks!
I especially like #5 about formula feeding and how we shouldn’t dare to make other people possibly feel guilty by our own choice to breastfeed.
Had to respond. Was ready to get defensive then ended up chuckling as I sit on the couch with my nursling. Breastfed him for like 20 min in the sling while walking around in Costco today. No one noticed because I *gasp* didn’t cover up. I did cover up with my first for the first few months but learned to nurse discretely without a cover and have never figured out again how to use a cover with my second. I tried but he screamed and pulled it to no ends. I find that covering up just draws attention to what you are doing. Most of the time people don’t even know when a mother is breastfeeding.
I should also mention that the men in my family see breastfeeding as totally normal and don’t understand the need for covering up and think it is ridiculous for a mom to be asked to breastfeed her baby elsewhere.
Great article!! Gave me a good laugh!!!
SO funny!!!!! Loved it!
YOU are my new hero! As a fellow mom who is also fluent in sarcasm – I enjoyed this thoroughly
ok, i loved this article. i even laughed, but is it sad it also made me mad. because you know some idiot some where really feels like this, and that another idiot is gona read this and take it to heart and totally miss that is was f’in hilarious and a joke. sigh. America needs to lay off those kraft singles. all that fake is going to it’s brains and rotting them out.
keep writing lady:D great read!
Man, I wish someone would say something to me while I’m nursing in public someday. I live in a state that protects breastfeeding, so I have the law on my side. I’m not the type to flash or hang out on purpose, tho. Actually, I’m very modest. But just try and make me leave a public place or tell me to cover up! I AM covered, thank you! Nothing is showing!
This was hilarious!! My mammary kitchen has been closed for more than a decade and I cannot believe that NOTHING has changed in these past 12 years.
Next time you write a post such as this one you might have to put a “Remove stick before reading” disclaimer…..
Bunmi what a brilliantly written article absolutely loved it. Looking forward to having my third baby soon and hopefully finally having the confidence to feed in public without shame and embarrassment! Its given me a lift and I wish I could reproduce it verbatim if required. Will lodge a couple of classic quotes in my pregnancy brain.
Loved it!
The “you should stay home” argument particularly gets me. There really are people out there who think nursing moms can and should stay home 24/7 until they are finished with the repulsive business of feeding their babies.
I’ve never had trouble myself when nursing (in all sorts of places, usually covered), but whenever there’s an online discussion on this topic some geniuses pop up with this concept in the comment section.
In my mind, where does that end? Do you tell a developmentally disabled person or senior with dementia to stay out of the public eye because they might act erratically or inappropriately on occasion? What about someone who is simply unattractive and not pleasant to look at? When did *anyone* get the idea that the entire world should be catering completely to their oh-so-delicate sensibilities?
Would just like to say I LOVE THIS!!!! This is hilarious!!!! Thanks for making my day.
So funny! Ellen’s reply was spot-on. I have never witnessed an overzealous nursing mom wagging her bare breasts in people’s faces, either, and I live in a very progressive, feminist town. The most revealing thing I’ve seen here is shirt pulled under, exposing the whole breast, as opposed to shirt pulled up, covering the juncture between boob and baby face. Once in particular, said pulled down shirt mama was just about having her boob ripped off by her curious toddler who kept popping off to see what was going on around her. And it was more funny than offensive. I think it’s quite possible for most moms to nurse discreetly, and it’s ever so easy to look away.
Wonderful piece of satire!!! So hilarious I read it out loud to my hubby- he laughed along with me (oh, and I was breastfeeding the whole time, so baby added a few milky chuckles). Absolutely brilliant!!!
This was great!! My parents insisted that I hide in the extra bedroom when I nursed my first at their house… Doubt they ever noticed when I nursed the other 2, but I certainly didn’t see the need to hide. Because I was in their home and knew they didn’t like it, I was very careful to be discreet, but I have never seen someone whip it out like we do the very first time in the hospital to learn!! We are women after all and there is little we can’t do with class! Including the horrible breast feeding thing!!!
There are two things I don’t get with all this brouhaha in the media.
1. How is breastfeeding in public is like peeing or pooping in public. One is food, going into a mouth. The other is waste and needs an appropriate receptacle.
2. I totally get modesty and morality. How about manners? Didn’t the offended person’s mothers teach them to mind their own business? Did they omit or forget this part of etiquette?
Too funny! I especially love the part about the baby not compensating for exploiting my boobies. Come to think of it, this lil bugger is living in my womb RENT FREE!
Hysterical and insightful! It reminds me of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.” Those who didn’t see the humor or comprehend the satirical tone are missing out.
Hilarious! Thank you! As a mother of four, it is interesting to see how people (including myself) have changed in their opinions of breastfeeding in public with my first child compared to my last. My husband loved the article too – we have had this discussion for YEARS! Thanks again for the laugh!
It bothers me so much to read comments that are so negative on the subject of nursing, especially because the people who post them will NEVER change their point of view no matter how you would try to make them see. BUT, I must see the absolute positive of this article – the fact that it was published at all!! It’s empowering and I feel like the population of nursing moms is growing!! I am so proud of this! We have a long way to go, but here’s to making NATURE *NATURAL* again; birth, breastfeeding, and raising our children!!
My youngest is now almost 22. When people asked me to retire to the bathroom to nurse, I asked them when the last time was they ate a Big Mac in the restroom. That usually shut them up. Thanks for the great satire. It is almostv lost art.
Thank you for a good laugh! Laughing is good for the soul and god knows I need the release from all the crap people were writing on message boards and such re: the nurse-in.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! I think I really lost it at about “boob flesh” and it just escalated from there!
let the author apply herself and her close ones the suggestions made in the article, rather than temptation to published it.
It was a JOKE!
PLEASE write more articles like this
It was so great! I must have my friends read it regardless of if they breastfeed or not.
Also, I am finding Evan’s comment the best. I’m laughing hard because I am picturing him wrestling with a bra, a shirt, a wiggling baby who keeps batting down the nursing cover, all while being discreet!
Wow, that was incredibly funny! Did you see that far side type comic that showed a milk cow nursing her baby with a nursing cover? I had that image in my mind the whole time, died laughing.
I’ll nurse under a blanket when you pull your pants up over your butt crack and put on a shirt that covers your beer belly.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! this needed to be said SO MUCH! i enjoyed the giggles and appreciated your approach to all the ridiculous criticism breastfeeding has gotten in our country. kudos!!
Have responded to two replies, now have to respond to the blog!
Great post Bunmi. I wish the word “stern” wasn’t used in the title, as it’s both an adjective and a family name, so I think a lot of people might go into the article reading it as Stern’s Guide, not a stern guide, (especially as there is a travel book series called “Stern’s Guides”. This coupled with the two opening paragraphs mean many people clearly won’t know it’s a satirical until several paragraphs in (or at all).
So this said, I’d repost again with another title, just as a sociological experiment!
Utterly hilarious. And if you didn’t understand that this was satire/humor, then you don’t read enough.
Go find a book.
What an awesome article! While Hubby and I haven’t had our first baby yet, I know we will be a nursing family. While I think nursing and NIP are wonderful if you feel comfortable, I am quite hesitant to nurse in front of men, whether it’s family or in public. With women and children, I am fine- but because of our culture and some peoples beliefs and sexual attitudes towards women, I don’t want to be looked at in a sexual way by men. To clarify- I don’t think bf’ing is sexual, but I don’t want to be looked at by those that do. bottom line for me is it’s a personal decision whether to bf or not and where to do it. Just because I’m more comfortable in a dressing room doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me so happy for people who choose to NIP.
I was at first going to comment to say I second Evan’s opinion re: “just cover up, it’s easier”, but after reading the responses I’ve changed my mind. I’ve never had any problem with women breastfeeding in public, but I figured that it’s just more polite to use a cover rather than “whipping it out”, as it makes some people uncomfortable to see a bared breast in public.
However, I now know that for many mothers, it’s very uncomfortable to use a cover, and I would rate their comfort above my own (see my comment to Alex, #comment-44373).
I still think that if the mom is doing it “deliberately” just to prove a point, then they’re being selfish and wrong — that would be “whipping it out”. But, from the comments, that’s improbable, so I recant
OK.. to the “guys” that are against this.. seriously?!? you need you mancard taken away. “I want all breastfeeding women to cover up their bewbs!” what the heck is wrong with you? What kind of man are you? sheesh.
To all of the breastfeeding women. If any of you need a safe and quiet place to feed your babies, feel free to come to my house any time. so long as you don’t mind the ogling. and yes, I got my wifes permission for the invite.
Funny as heck and i am definitely sharing this to all of my friends.
I loved it! I found it true how everyone wants you to hide or leave if your NIP. I loved this one ” During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby’s nose scuba-style so that cool air can be retrieved without making us all barf from the sight of your boob flesh.”
I nursed my 3 kids and only was asked a few times to use the restroom when I was at a restaurant because my feeding my infant son was gross. So I did what all polite moms do with 3 other kids in tow. I calmly told them to eat there since it was be very clean if I have to have my son eat in there and his sisters play on the floor. And I fed him in my booth, which by the way you could only know I was nursing if you were looking in my booth. Amen to your article, I laughed so hard and thank you!
This was definitely hilarious! Very well done although I do have one thing to add – to some cultures, it really is offensive to show your breast[s] no matter the reason and for that reason, there are some situations where I will not breast feed in public. A part of my husband’s family is of a certain religious sect where breastfeeding in front of them would be very disrespectful to their culture. Of course, I think it’s silly but there are a lot of things that I think are silly about other cultures but I’m not going to blatantly disrespect those beliefs if doing so does no harm to me or someone else. I do think the culture of those are you while you breastfeed is important to take into consideration.
this was great…as a bf mummy who has proudly fed all 5 of mine in public, i have never had the enjoyment of being asked to use the local toilets….in fact, i think the determined look on my face normally tells people to “go on just try it!!” as i would refuse to move and make them call the police first… i love your blog, hopefully it will make some of the blindsighted people think about what they are asking when they request any of the points you covered..
HILARIOUS. I liked, “if you’ve raised them right, they won’t touch anything”. LOL!!!!! I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about me breastfeeding my baby. Especially now, at 10 months, she looks like a toddler and repeatedly pulls off to check out her surroundings. Whatever. I’m sustaining life, the way it was meant to be. Without breastfeeding, there would be no human population. Do other mammals cover up their nursing babies? The critics of this article are people who didn’t or don’t breastfeed their babies and would love to think of a reason that it is bad. It’s not the breastfeeding women’s fault that you didn’t nurse yours. Get over it.
As a working and breast feeding mother I find this hilarious. I came across this article while I was surfing on fb and pumping at work!! I would like to think sarcasm is my first language and I thoroughly enjoy it. As a new mom I do keep myself covered out in public or with certain relatives around out of respect for them. Everyone I know fully support my decision to EBF. I agree with one if the trainers that it also had slit to do with culture. As a mexican-american I would actually be down talked had I chosen to formula feed. I don’t believe there us anything wrong with formula feeding it’s just not something I prefer. Anther person was right in saying that within we know this is pure sarcasm done people strongly believe in what you are saying. All in all. I LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!!! Keep on writing.