In the past 3 years since becoming a mother & an enthusiastic breastfeeding supporter, I have seen a number of scenarios that leave me very concerned that our formula culture has won, that our mothering instincts have been trampled by the corporations that would prefer a dollar over a healthy child. Most significantly, I have seen many, many mothers state that their breast milk never came in, or that it dried up after a couple months. I know that some women really do not produce milk due to insufficient glandular tissue within the breast & I do not mean at all to belittle their struggles or suggest that if they would have tried this or that, it would have worked. But it is a very rare medical condition & when the conversation goes something like this: “I never made any milk! I squeezed my boob an hour after my son was born & nothing came out so I started formula!” I know that is most likely NOT a case of IGT, but rather misinformation about how the process of breastfeeding works.
I have also seen a number of women who are determined to breastfeed turn quickly to bottles. I know that virtually every woman has her personal choice to breastfeed & that not all women will, but when I see new moms who had previously been completely committed to nursing employing bottles so soon after birth, I feel a strong urge to recognize the various booby-traps along the way & help prevent them from happening to others.
When reflecting on the beginning of my nursing relationship, it is easy to see how breastfeeding can seem very challenging & how it can be derailed if the conditions aren’t right. I had a fairly typical hospital birth which included no breastfeeding support, a nurse who tried to convince me that she needed to take my new baby to the nursery in order for my milk to come in (apparently the only way to sleep is to send your baby off, & the only way for your milk to come in is to sleep), & of course I was sent home with a “breastfeeding support kit,” complete with free formula samples. The fact that formula samples are sent home from hospitals with new moms is despicable, especially when we look at the reality that our lack of breastfeeding in the U.S. costs nearly 1,000 lives & billions of dollars every year, & is linked to a plethora of maladies.
It is also important to consider every baby’s natural “virgin gut“– the perfect balance of gut bacteria that is crucial to a life of good health. Breast milk maintains the ideal gut flora, while introducing foreign substances like formula, milk, solids when introduced too early, & even water can cause an imbalance in the body which can manifest into many different illnesses, from allergies to acid reflux to Crohn’s disease. That in conjunction with new evidence that healthy gut bacteria has “a significant impact on brain development and subsequent adult behavior” tells us that starting & maintaining a solid breastfeeding relationship can be imperative for good health.
Fortunately, I was informed about several of the issues surrounding breastfeeding & formula, so although I hit a few bumps along the road, as a new single mom with little support, I was able to persevere & I am now celebrating 3 years of nursing with my son. I am thankful that I had read about the dangers of formula & the benefits of breastfeeding before I gave birth, because I believe knowing the facts can empower women to push through some of the barriers & beat the booby traps. There are things I wish I had known; my best advice follows:
- Don’t plan on “trying” to breastfeed– plan to breastfeed. When we think of breastfeeding as a difficult thing to “try” at, instead of as the main normal, healthy way to nourish a child, we are already setting up mental barriers. Unless you are one of the rare women to have a diagnosed inability to produce breast milk, you can breastfeed. Similar to birth, if we believe that our bodies function well & can do what they are designed to do, we are less likely to reach for other options.
- You will have colostrum. This is one of the main reasons that I realized lack of education was really a burden on women who want to nurse. When I’ve asked around, I’ve found that many women do not know what colostrum is, nor do they know they will solely have this substance until their milk comes in. Colostrum is a thick yellowish/brownish substance that comes out of the breast in tiny amounts & gives your baby everything she needs in the first days of her life. Some women experience their milk coming in on the first or second days; some women have nothing but colostrum for 5-7 days or more. Have no fear! Your newborn’s stomach is tiny & only needs a small amount of colostrum to be full. The more you nurse, the more you will produce.
- Don’t attempt a schedule! Forcing a baby onto a schedule is sometimes known as “Babywise,” but it is so unwise that it can be disasterous. Any pediatrician that suggests otherwise needs to update his or her education. Babies need to be fed on their cue & anything else can lead to Failure to Thrive. It is important to notice your baby’s cues before they get to the crying stage, which is a late cue. It is hard to nurse a child that is screaming, so look for signs like rooting, sucking on hands, alertness, snuggling to the breast, etc. I basically kept my boobs out the whole time for the first couple of months because my son wanted to nurse all the time. It is good to know that this is what babies do & it is normal!
- Forget the formula! Refuse the “support kit” full of formula if you give birth in a hospital. Also be sure to tell every nurse & doctor you see that you are breastfeeding & not to introduce any bottles in the event that you are unable to be present. & Of course ignore any advice that your baby needs to be away from you for your milk to come in. The best way to stimulate your milk is by nursing. Let everyone who may give you a baby-shower gift know that you have no intention of using formula but would appreciate breastfeeding supplies like Mother’s Milk tea (do not use if oversupply seems to be an issue), nipple butter in case you struggle with latch, or hot rice socks to help ease the tension when your milk first arrives.
- Ditch the bottles! Although our maternity-leave rates in the U.S. are deplorable, most employed women get at least 6 weeks off from work, & during that time bottles should be avoided. Breastfeeding is a demand-supply situation; your baby has to nurse pretty much constantly in the beginning to establish a good supply. Introducing a bottle in the beginning, even of pumped milk, takes time away from the breast, which signals to the body that less mik needs to be made. Nipple confusion can also be an issue; this can happen because the act of nursing is very different than drinking from a bottle, with nursing being a little more challenging, involving more work. The bottle nipple allows for much quicker eating (which may be why formula is linked to obesity), & the baby may gain a preference for the bottle, making him reject the breast.
- Never mind the pacifiers! Children who are breastfed on demand have little need for a pacifier because the act of nursing is a pacifier in itself. The amount of times my son has recovered from a fall or a fright by nursing is numberless. Although some children who have already established a good nursing relationship may like a pacifier for extra comfort, they really are needed much less than is insisted by our culture. Pacifiers should also be avoided because, again, they can interfere with establishing a solid milk supply in those early days. A new baby needs to be at the breast nursing as much as possible, so no substitutes are needed. I suspect it is the overuse of these substitutes that causes some women to “dry up.”
- Plan on co-sleeping. Sleep-sharing of all kinds has many benefits, & one of them is assisting a normal breastfeeding relationship. If you are not comfortable with your baby in your bed, keep her in a safe sleeping space next to your bed, like a co-sleeper or a crib. Co-sleeping has gotten a bad reputation because of incredibly unfortunate deaths– but all of the reported deaths have been because of unsafe co-sleeping (smoking, feeding formula, drinking alcohol or using other drugs are examples of unsafe co-sleeping). It is important to know the difference, but sleep-sharing is as old as time & has been done safely for generations. Crib-deaths are more common than co-sleeping deaths, but if you feel more comfortable with a crib, at least recognize that the idea of a seperate nursery for your baby to sleep in is probably an unrealistic goal. Either way, newborns are not supposed to sleep more than a few hours at a time because they need to have their bodies regulated & be fed. The best, safest way to do this is by keeping your baby near & nursing him often, even through the night. There are many options for gentle night-weaning & transitioning from co-sleeping, but it shouldn’t be rushed. They are only babies once. P.S. Avoid any form of sleep-training 100%.
- Pumping is NOT an accurate way to tell how much milk you make, or how much milk your child gets. Every time I hear a mother say she didn’t make any milk, I wonder how she came to this conclusion. Some women have gone through incredible trials with pumping, herbs, & pharmaceuticals before being properly diagnosed with inability to lactate, but the most common scenario I have heard is instead of just nursing, moms are pumping to see how much they are making, then getting discouraged when it is only a few drops. Not only is this an inaccurate way to tell, it can actually hinder the breastfeeding relationship. The most important thing is to keep your baby near & nurse, nurse, nurse. If you need to build up a stash of milk to return to work or for any other reason, try pumping on one breast while nursing on the other, or pumping in between each nursing session, instead of being tempted to supplement with bottled milk or formula. But unless your child is clearly malnourished, there should be no concern about “how much” your baby is getting. Breastfeeding is a biological process that is designed to work; have faith in that!
- Expect your baby to feel like a floppy bag of jello that doesn’t know how to nurse. Nursing at first can be quite awkward; I remember being surprised at how flimsy my new baby seemed, & how little he seemed to know about breastfeeding. He latched like he was tired from staying up for days, with the muscle strength of a feather. It took a week or two to feel confident, then a couple more weeks to feel really confident, but in this case, practice does make perfect.
- If you have to return to work, commit to pumping. This one just makes me angry because while plenty of countries have 1-3 year maternity leaves, paid, & some include paternity leave as well, the U.S. (& other countries, mostly developing) fails miserably at helping its women workers meet the 2-year mark recommended by health organizations. We deserve better maternity leaves, but in the meantime, many companies are required by law to provide adequate nursing/pumping breaks. If you can find a personal nanny for your baby, or if your partner or family members can assist, you may be able to nurse every few hours while at work. If you cannot nurse at work, pumping is an option. I have a few friends who have been pumping exclusively for their babies for over a year. It can be done.
- Nurse in public. I have known more than one mama whose nursing relationship ended because they turned to bottles instead of nursing in public. In cultures that embrace nursing women instead of shaming them, we find breastfeeding rates beyond what the health organizations of the world recommend. Lactophobic cultures around the world need to learn that nursing is normal & that we have a legal right to do it as our child needs. I have also known women who cited their fear of nursing in public as their main reason for choosing formula, which means that our cultural attitude toward breastfeeding is directly affecting the health & quality of life of children, which is unacceptable. Put on your brave face & nurse in public!
- Consider changing your diet. If you notice that your new baby seems extra fussy, instead of reaching for the formula, which will usually make things much worse, try eliminating foods from your diet. Some babies are very sensitive to foods like dairy, soy, nuts, caffeine, & sugar in breast milk. Many mothers have reported improvement after following an elimination diet.
- Don’t assume a crying baby means he’s not getting enough. I remember this fear very clearly when I first had my son. He had a fussy period starting at 7pm almost every night for the first couple of weeks & I often wondered if he was “getting enough.” This is also a sentiment I have heard many times when nursing is derailed– “I tried but my baby wasn’t getting enough.” Babies do cry & sometimes it is impossible to figure out why. They don’t need you to panic & run for the formula; they need to be held close, worn in a comfortable wrap/sling/carrier, & nursed. It is easy to want to try something new if your baby is fussing & you don’t know why, but in the long run it is much safer to just continue to nurse & forget about supplementing altogether.
- Nurse, nurse, nurse. This really is the best way to begin & keep a good nursing relationship. We have been so fooled by our modern society into thinking that we need bottles, formula, pacifiers, gadgets, battery-powered infant play-mats, deluxe bouncers, etc. etc. etc. when for the most part we need a breast & maybe a sling to get some stuff done. It’s wise to avoid the temptation of letting other people feed your new baby, even though family members or even partners may feel that they are missing out. The most important thing is creating an excellent breastfeeding rapport, & there are many other ways for babies to bond. Visitors & family members can wear the baby in a sling while mom showers; dads/partners can practice skin-to-skin contact while baby-wearing for a beautiful bond.
- Attend a La Leche League meeting. La Leche League is a support system for breastfeeding women, & they have meetings all over the world. You can probably find one near you, or at least contact a leader for guidance. They are excellent with trouble-shooting & each group can be expected to have a wealth of knowledge on breastfeeding issues. They can observe your latch in the beginning to help prevent any discomfort, & you may find there is a whole host of other benefits to knowing the women of LLL.
- If you’ve had a challenging birth, do not give up hope! When a new mom has a cesarean birth or other traumatic birth (physically & emotionally), it may take her milk longer to come in. Add to that the fact that surgical birth can include the mother being unable to nurse for the first couple hours of her new baby’s life, during which formula can be introduced by well-meaning nurses. (Side note: if your baby is not in distress after a cesarean, you can request that (s)he be brought to you immediately for nursing.) When a baby ends up in the NICU it can also be very trying to the breastfeeding relationship. The best resource I have for this type of situation is here. Read it; save it; you or someone you know may need it later.
- Adoption! If you are planning on adopting a child, know that it is possible to provide breast milk through induced lactation. I have limited knowledge in this area, but I have read a few induced-lactation stories & I am always in awe of the mothers that put in such hard work to make sure their new baby gets breast milk. Here is another story. In some adoption situations, the new parents can request breast milk from the birth mother, which I think is such a lovely gift for a birth mom to give. Donor milk is another option! I know some women immediately balk at this idea, but upon inspection, human milk is much more normal to give a baby than milk from another species’ nipples, especially when it is dried, all the nutrients are removed, & synthetic vitamins are added to the bovine secretions. Human Milk 4 Human Babies is a remarkable organization that finds local milk donors for women in need. It is completely grass-roots, totally Do-It-Yourself, & free! Wet-nursing & milk-sharing is not new; it is how babies survived before formula was invented if their mother died, had to find work, or was unable to lactate. It is safe because you can meet your donor, meet her family, watch her nurse her own children, & see how she eats & lives. You can also ask for testing to be done to ensure she is healthy, but many of the moms I know who have received donor milk have created a very special bond with the mother who is donating. It is a beautiful thing & needs to take the place of formula in our country.
- Educate yourself. Learning about the importance of breastfeeding is very inspiring & it is what kept me going when I was first experiencing nipple pain. There is a lot of literature available about breastfeeding, from the politics of it to advice for success. I highly advise learning about latch technique as well. I believe one of the top complaints from new breastfeeding moms is pain or discomfort, which is usually a sign that a good latch has not been achieved. Even though I had read about good latch, I think I could have avoided a lot of pain if I had watched a few latch videos; seeing it in the real world makes more sense than reading a description, at least to me.
- If you are having problems, ask for help. Breastfeeding is NOT always a challenge. I had a bit of pain that disappeared after we got comfortable, & some women have no issues at all. The breastfeeding rates in my country show me that my experience with nursing is not what most women get. Somehow, even though the World Health Organization recommends at least two years of breastfeeding, the breastfeeding rates in my country fall dismally short, & the health of our nation shows it. It’s not just the U.S.; there is a serious lack of breastfeeding throughout the world. In each case that is not a specific medical issue, something goes wrong that leads the mother to choose formula, or she chooses formula from the start. Whatever problems we come across, we can hope to find answers for through La Leche League, local breastfeeding support groups, & the vast amount of resources to be found online & at your local library. Find breastfeeding moms in your area, ask breastfeeding moms in your family, or find a good lactation consultant at your local hospital or birth center. Commit yourself to breastfeeding, for the health of your child, & be aware of the option of donor milk if a true need does arise!
Peace, love, & breastfeeding.
What are your nursing tips, Dear Reader?
About Kristen Tea
I am a 27-year-old single, attached, informed, lactivist, intactivist, peaceful Minnesotan mother of almost 4-year-old Sun Ronin a.k.a Sunny Boy. I am an artist & lover of expression. I'm also a student with many things to learn, including nutritional therapy, lactation consulting, doulahood, yoga instructing, & more. I believe that unplanned pregnancies do not have to equal uninformed motherhood, & women have the power to restore humanity to everything we touch.
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I’m glad that you have acknowledged the struggles of women like myself who have insufficient glandular tissue for nursing. It’s a truly devastating experience that can have a very traumatizing effect on a new mom and her relationship with her baby.
When you see a woman bottle feeding, please do not judge. Take a moment to consider that you don’t know what is going on in her life or why she is bottle feeding. Absolutely, breastfeeding is the optimal way to go if a woman can. However, there are enough factors arrayed against us as woman and mothers. The last thing we need is to be judging or blaming one another.
In my own case, the pain and shock of being unable to breastfeed my child has been made even worse by the isolation and shame I feel when I need to whip out a bottle and feed my beloved child here in very pro-breast Portland, Oregon. I know I am being silently judge by women who can do something I would give so much to be able to do even half-way. They have no idea of the tears or the hours of pumping or the trips to
three different lactation consultants, or the fees paid for these visits and the herbs, 2 medications or hospital grade pump.
Please focus on making it easier for women to breastfeed. Be sensitive and do not judge women who cannot or who choose not to. You have not walked a mile in our shoes.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know an awesome woman with IGT & when I see a mother bottle-feeding, I remember everything she has gone through. Just as I know that the majority of women who bottle-feed choose to do so or face one of the booby-traps listed above & get derailed, I also know that not *all* women who use formula choose to do so. I empathize with you & I hope you found that this post did focus on making it easier for women to breastfeed. My aim was to do just that, while recognizing that a small amount of cases do involve inability to lactate sufficiently. I hope I achieved that balance. Thank you for reading!
Great article – I’d just add two tiny points…
Most babies are born with the ability to attach and breastfeed with minimal help. Search youtube for “baby led attachment” to see this amazing “reflex”. I wish I had known about it way back when!
And another reason to nurse in public, is that every young woman who sees you, learns and has her attitudes to breastfeeding shaped by that image. Breastfeeding in public is an important public service for generations that haven’t even thought about having babies yet. Every time you nurse in public, you normalise the experience for someone else.
Thanks!
I agree about breastfeeding in public. Now that I’m pregnant with my first baby, I am truly aware of how few women I have ever seen nurse in public. Now, whenever I see them, I always give a big smile and and remind myself to be strong like them after this little babe is born!
This is a great article and really sums up in a readable way what some of the main booby traps are. I’m sharing widely
The only other thing I’d add to this is that I know mamas who were booby trapped by doctors who told them they have to supplement their newborn due to jaundice and being under bili-lights for hours and hours at a time. There is good research to show this is unnecessary in most circumstances and yet I keep hearing “my baby was jaundiced so I had to give formula.” It makes me sad.
I supplemented with formula because my son was jaundiced and ‘went under the lights’. He also was 3 weeks early, and had problems maintaining proper blood sugar levels. I had a post delivery complication (bad hemorrhage) and it took ‘forever’ for my milk production to become almost sufficient. I am still breast feeding (and pumping) 8 months out.
Sometimes you have to supplement with formula. I was one of those women who was in tears because my son lost over 10% of his birth weight and I could not produce enough to satisfy him. I felt like a complete failure as a mom, but I stuck with the nursing as best as I could. I like to say that he is “mostly breastfed”, as he was down to one supplementation (right after the last nurse of the night) as soon as he started gaining weight.
Overall, I would say ‘don’t give up’ and don’t fear needing to supplement. Do what’s best for you and your baby. It’s not an all of nothing proposition. It’s not the end of the world if you need to use a little formula, just keep up with the breast feeding. And, breastfeeding takes time, We didn’t get into a good breastfeeding routine until he was 6 weeks old – what actually helped the most was learning to love the evening cluster feeds.
Please don’t forget that some women become mothers through adoption, too.
Thank you for the reminder! I did forget. I have been editing this since I posted it to add more stuff
I will add a section about adoption & donor milk!
And a section on donor milk or induced lactation for adoptive or surrogate mamas.
Done! Thanks so much for the suggestion!
Fantastic piece. I would like to share one point, though, for women who do encounter true “failure to thrive”.
My daughter loved to sleep and wasn’t gaining enough weight (she really wasn’t) and was slightly dehydrated, so I did have to schedule her–so that she ate more often than the 5 or 6 times a day she’d been asking for. Once I did that, her weight gain picked up, she plumped up, and she was a happier baby. So, while I don’t think we should use a schedule to deny a hungry baby breast milk, I did find it helpful to say, “it’s been 3 hours and she’s still sleeping…maybe it’s time to wake her up enough so she can eat”. I think if I had not done that, the pediatrician would have pushed me to use formula. But because I did that, I was able to BF until she self-weaned.
You had me until you mentioned Babywise. Your brief, inaccurate portrayal of something that completely changed (for the better) my nursing relationship with my daughter is offensive.
I didn’t know what I was doing when my daughter was born. I attempted to let her “lead” in eating, sleeping, etc… and she never slept, we both cried all the time, and was nursing every 15 minutes. It was awful.
My sister in law offered her Babywise book – and while there is plenty to discuss about various guidance presented there, the eat/wake/sleep pattern made all the difference for us. It’s not about watching a clock, or refusing food – if you’ve read it, you must acknowledge this. It is about a pattern – and once I established this pattern with my daughter, she ate and slept like a champ. Stopped crying, and THRIVED beyond my wildest imaginations. I truly believe Babywise saved our nursing relationship.
Last caveat – COMMON SENSE should never be substituted by any book – be it Babywise, attachment parenting, etc… It is unfortunate that a book that has helped so many that I personally know is dismissed and slandered.
I am glad Babywise worked for you. I think I’ll edit my statement to say “don’t *force* a baby onto a schedule” because I do understand that schedules can help some children. My problem with forcing kids onto schedules is that some babies are hungry every 1/2 hour, but their schedule only allows feedings every 3 hours. This is a huge problem that I have seen again & again. Did you follow the link about Babywise? Here it is: http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/babywise-linked-to-babies-dehydration.html
It has officially been linked to FTT; it’s not just my opinion. But as I said, I am glad it worked out for you.
To spin off the nursing in public advice, I’d like to say that women should feel okay if they are shy about nursing in public and find compromises. If you can’t bring yourself to nurse in the mall uncovered, it is okay to use a cover – you aren’t letting your sisters down, you are feeding your baby. Or find a dressing room and do it there. I am a person who is uncomfortable with exposing much skin in public and nursing in public is hard for me so I want folks to feel like there is an option other than staying at home, bottle feeding or nursing uncovered. I guess I am saying that you shouldn’t be ashamed to nurse in public, but you shouldn’t be ashamed if you prefer to nurse more privately.
Well said. It’s about doing what makes YOU feel comfortable nursing not about anybody else whether that puts you in a berka or bikini.
I agree – thank you for saying this! I often have folks at church or the grocery store encourge me to “go ahead and nurse!”, and while I have a GREAT breastfeeding relationship with my son, I also have a sense of personal modesty, and prefer to cover or find a quiet private space. I think its all about finding a balance that works for you.
This article is great!
When you see a mother nursing in public thank her. Someone did this for me and it made me feel great. It also confirmed that I was doing something right! I find among the mother’s I hang around that nursing in public seems to be one of the #1 reasons for introducing bottles. Well, that and doctors!
I think it’s important to emphasize that breastfeeding hurts….not because you’re doing it wrong or the baby is not latching on but because none of us are used to having someone gnawing on our nipples 14 times a day. It can be toe-curling pain for the first few weeks when they first latch on…but it’s normal and it will get better. Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple cream is great, but it doesn’t minimize the pain of that first latch. I was always told that if it hurts, then I wasn’t doing it right, and that’s just not true.
There was one lactation consultant that taught me the sandwich method and that was invaluable. I tried getting help from La Leche League when I had questions, but no one ever returned my calls…and when you have a newborn, there’s really no time to chase people down.
Support is key. Let’s all commit to supporting our friends in tangible ways so that they can get the hang of breastfeeding.
I was told the same thing! And its really crap. Everyone has a different pain tolerance! How would they know if it hurts. After 3 weekish… my nipple turned to butter and it was better
Thanks so much for this article. I’m going to bookmark it to share with my pregnant friends *and their husbands*. It touches on all the things I normally want to educate moms about so they can have a little more of an honest expectation of the experience. Thanks again!
@Anne, I want you to know you aren’t alone! I had a similar heart breaking experience that has stayed with me a long time- my younger son is nearly 2 and I still read breastfeeding articles! My primary care doctor (who has not kids of her own) didn’t even understand why I was so upset that my body wasn’t working properly. All the books talk about seeking professional help when things don’t go well, but I have never found any support for what to do when the experts are clueless as to what your problem(s) might be. I wish I could give you a hug!!! It was easier the second time around (I and my midwives were all incredibly hopeful, but same excessive weight loss, and only transferring 5mL during a half hour feeding), and I was a lot more forgiving with myself. I want to have more kids, and I just have to assume this is what I have to work with- at least I have other options and my kids weren’t left to die because my body couldn’t feed them.
Amen Wendy! I had so much trouble nursing my son, I tried so hard for over 6 weeks. He did not gain, I was nursing and pumping like crazy to maintain supply, my son was hungry and cried all the time. We tried nipple shields and finger feeding. I believe he just could not latch properly after being born with a tongue tie. We tried everything! At 6 1/2 weeks old, I switched to bottlefeeding expressed breastmilk, and he was a different baby – he finally could get enough milk from the bottle. I pumped until he was 9mo old.
You hit the nail on the head when you said “at least I have other options and my kids weren’t left to die because my body couldn’t feed them.”
Now expecting baby #2 and praying to God this child nurses like a champ straight out of the womb!
Both of my sons were born tongue tied and my first one had a broken nose when he was born as well. Thank God I lived in a big city at the time or I would have been “forced” into using formula. My lactation consultant pushed the DRs to clip my sons tongue after fixing his nose because in the first 5 days he had lost more than 10% of his birth weight. With my second son I lived in a small town and had to fight for 9 months with DRs to get his tongue clip but he was able to curl his tongue around my nipple while he nursed and thrived. I was able to breastfeed both of my sons for 15 months.
A day-old baby has a stomach the size of a marble. This single tidbit of information armed me with the knowledge I needed to have at the hospital when the nurses attempted to scare me into formula feeding by telling me that my son was not eating enough. I knew that even though he only ate for 5-7 minutes at a time that he was getting his tiny little belly full. They told me he should be eating for 20 minutes per side per feeding! If I hadn’t known how tiny his belly was, I might have felt like I was starving him by not “supplementing” at one day old. So, my advice is to keep in mind how tiny their bellies actually are and keep track of wet/dirty diapers so you can assure yourself that you are providing for your baby just fine.
Brilliant! That is an excellent piece of knowledge. I believe that really could help a lot of women understand breastfeeding, thanks!
Love this post!!! Such awesome advice. When I see a mom bottle feeding I dont judge her, but I want to know what hospital she delivered at, so I can judge the hospital!
I bottle fed my first after 6 miserable weeks. I wish I hadnt given up! But the deck was stacked. And now Im Bfing #2 and loving it! So glad I didn’t give up this time. I am so sure it was because I ditched the hossy and had my baby at home with a MIDWIFE! There are no questions asked, you will breastfeed if you deliver with a MW. They will help you or find someone who can with any issue you might be having
Best way to ensure breastfeeding, avoid the hospital at all costs!!
Awesome! When I was writing this, I kept thinking of my homebirthing friends & how much of this wouldn’t even apply to them– it is a beautiful thing
I intend to have a homebirth next time & it will be fascinating to compare my breastfeeding experience; it was just bizarre with so many nurses around me & none of them knowing anything about nursing. Congratulations on breastfeeding successfully & thanks so much for reading!
I also had a frustrating experience breastfeeding my son. And I still feel a like a failure for it, even though I don’t know what I could have done differently. Two and a half years later I am still trying to figure it out. We fixed the poor latch problem he had at the very beginning. A lactation specialist told me my son had a “bubble palate” meaning the roof of his mouth is shaped differently than most peoples. the roof of his mouth forms a very deep pocket with a ridge while most people’s gently slopes back towards the throat. this bubble caused my nipple to get suctioned and pulled up into the bubble where it constantly scraped the roof of his mouth rather than towards the back of his throat. She told me that this could have affected my milk supply in the first two weeks because my breasts were not stimulated properly. For five long months I tried everything. nursing regularly, often needing a nipple shield as my nipples were always scabbed and bleeding and he often choked up blood from them. I also pumped at least 5 times per day to try to increase my supply, along with herbs and teas, and everything anyone suggested I try. I had to start supplemented with formula at three weeks because he had lost a scary amount of weight.
So maybe I am one of those woman “who just tried” but tell me, what could I have done differently? I too was horrified about pulling out a bottle to feed my baby in public, I thought I would be one of those mothers who breastfed until 2 or 3….now baby number two is due in a month and I will give this another 110 percent effort, but I have yet to find any real advice on what to do if she is born with this “bubble palate” too.
Alicia, I have no idea
I have never heard of that issue before. My best advice is to find Jack Newman or Emma Kwasnica on facebook & ask them, or find the Peaceful Parenting group, or contact kellymom.com to ask! I hope you find some answers & I want you to know that I am amazed by your efforts to nurse your child. I am sorry it was such a challenge & that it still bothers you; I know I’d feel the same way.
Get off your soapbox.Stop laying guilt trips on those who either can’t or even choose not to breastfeed.Baby formula fed baby’s can be as intelligent as healthy etc as a breast fed baby.It is a personal choice and no one has the right to judge that persons choice.Being a calm and loving mother is what is important.Not stressing over trying to breastfeed because of others unwanted advice.
You are right, being a calm & loving mother is very important. I also believe that making educated decisions for our children while they are in our care is incredibly important. We all use carseats because they have been proven to be the very safest option. Similarly, breastfeeding has been proven to be the very safest option, with formula linked to a lot of illnesses & millions of deaths a year. Did you follow the link to that CNN article? http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/05/breastfeeding.costs/index.html?iref=allsearch
The title explains it all, & why I care about babies receiving breast milk. But this post was not to tell women they have to breastfeed or just to list the facts about formula. It was to encourage women who WANT to breastfeed & give them my best advice after researching the topic for 3 years. That is all. If you find my advice unwanted, please feel free to not read it
This is one of the posts which no matter how it’s said will rile some people up. As if you are saying to those who cannot or will not breastfeed that they have failed their children in some way. You were so polite and sweet and sincere to not step on any toes and to offer this sage advice for those who want it. No need to change your post further to accommodate anyone.
I’ve been down all the roads….quick summary.
Full term hospital birth…1 year breastfeeding…did the best I knew how.
full term homebirth…breastfed for 3 1/2 years. LOW milk and FTT at 2 months. Continued nursing with herbs and SNS. Pretty much substaining on formula but somehow preserved nursing relationship at about 10 months.
early hospital birth…breastfeed for 6 months…Low milk and FTT at 2 WEEKS. LL leader told me I needed to take him to the doctor before someone reported me!!!! Continued nursing with SNS until he got tired of watiting for milk and weaned.
full term birth at home…still nursing. NEver used SNS. Began taking DPD DAY OF BIRTH adn maintained a full supply. Stopped taking it a few months ago (well over a year old) and now low milk again…but she has real food now so it’s okay. ti’s not really for food anymore.
and that’s the thing, nursing is MORE than just food.
THERE ARE ways to overcome the obstacles if there is enough support. But it can be HARD. Sometimes the best things in life are HARD. and this is one of them.
if we choose to bottlefeed…or if the choice is made for us…CLAIM it.
Thank you SO much for your support! Your words were just lovely to read. It seems like we can’t even mention breastfeeding without somehow stepping on toes & that isn’t fair to anyone. Thanks for sharing your stories & for reading!
It’s hard when you’re pregnant and you’re told breastfeeding is the BEST thing for your child, and it comes naturally and everybody should be able to do it, and then find out you can’t because your body just doesn’t work like it should. However, I’m sure it’s equally as frustrating for mothers who needlessly struggle with breastfeeding because they followed some horrible advice in the beginning, so thank you for writing this!
As somebody who struggled for four months due to insufficient glandular tissue, I also want to thank you for giving a shout out to those who struggled. In the beginning we HAD to supplement, because for a while I really couldn’t produce anything. It was truly heartbreaking to feel like I couldn’t feed my baby. I cringed every time I reached for a bottle. Luckily, after four months of nipple shields, pumping, SNS devices, herbs and domperidone I got to the point where I could exclusively breastfeed, and we’re happy campers now. It really can be done, even if you can only breastfeed a little bit of the time, any breastmilk is better than none!
Yay! I am so glad to hear it worked out for you! I just can’t imagine going through such a struggle & feeling so helpless– I feel so fortunate that it didn’t happen to me because I was single, completely alone with my newborn, had never nursed before, & I don’t know how I would have made it through. Thank you for reading & for breastfeeding your child!
Even with obstacles in the way, like a premature birth and hospital stay…I was eventually able to nurse my son for 30 months and it was the most amazing part of any relationship I’ve ever had with a human being.
I think the statement ‘If you are having problems, ask for help. Breastfeeding is NOT always a challenge.’ is a bit ignorant. For most people, this simply isn’t true.
If you have the help available and it comes from decent people with good knowledge, then yes it is much simpler.
But where does this ‘help’ come from? If you have no family around and no friends that have breastfed, etc, where do you find it? And what about those living in rural areas? Or single parents? I found that when push came to shove, there really isn’t much out there.
When I started to breastfeed it was downright painful. The cramps were like contractions and my nipples were terribly sore. The first 4 or 5 days were agony. Simply saying ‘stick with it’ is all fine but for some people it can be too much, especially without the support they need.
My first days were horrible, but yes I did stick with it because I had a very strong will to do so. But some people may not have any support or are so confused and tired and bewildered that they just give up because torturing yourself every 4 hours is hard to keep up.
When I started to breastfeed, I was lucky to have midwives come to my house on the first three days to help me out. They were somewhat helpful in latching techniques, but oddly enough none of them had ever had children so they could barely sympathise with me regarding the pain or the fatigue. It wasn’t terrible useful.
After 6 weeks my baby developed reflux. Again, I did have some midwives come to visit and they basically disregarded it and just told me to keep breastfeeding, which my baby just couldn’t do. Because he didn’t feed properly and I wasn’t being stimulated, my breast milk started to wane, nappies were dry and poos came every 3 or so days. I was stressed and scared and all I was told to ‘just keep breastfeeding.’ I felt like an utter failure.
My partner decided that the best thing for our baby was to switch to a formula designed for reflux in infants. We made the decision that a belly full of formula was better than tiny amounts of breast milk and a baby in pain. Within 48 hours our baby had wet nappies, big poos and was sleeping well again. It didn’t fix the problem at all, but it made life bearable.
Now I’m not someone who supports formula. I’m a ‘Breast is Best’ supporter a much as anyone, but we have to be realistic. This article didn’t even cover those who have had caesarians and the fact that it can cause delay in milk production by up to 2 weeks, so formula has to be used.
I know there’s a major drop in people breastfeeding and yes, there seem to be an ever increasing amount of people who don’t try to continue or just give up or don’t want the fuss of breast feeding, and that’s sad. But please remember that there are millions of women who honestly do want to breastfeed and can’t. Sometimes nature doesn’t always get it right.
Maybe until you’ve tried and failed at breastfeeding, when you only wanted what was best for your baby, you might understand a little more.
I don’t know why anyone would comment on an article without reading it, especially to claim that I didn’t cover cesarean births– which I absolutely most certainly did. I will quote it for you:
“If you’ve had a challenging birth, do not give up hope! When a new mom has a cesarean birth or other traumatic birth (physically & emotionally), it may take her milk longer to come in. Add to that the fact that surgical birth can include the mother being unable to nurse for the first couple hours of her new baby’s life, during which formula can be introduced by well-meaning nurses. (Side note: if your baby is not in distress after a cesarean, you can request that (s)he be brought to you immediately for nursing.) When a baby ends up in the NICU it can also be very trying to the breastfeeding relationship. The best resource I have for this type of situation is here. Read it; save it; you or someone you know may need it later.” The resource that I linked is here & it really is the best resource I could ever dream of: http://mamalooma.wordpress.com/2010/12/08/it-can-totally-happen/
I am starting to think that people aren’t following the links I am attaching! I tried to leave a massive amount of information not only with my own words, but through the links that lead to another whole wealth of information. That is where the help would come from for a rural person who has no family/friend support, no doctor/hospital support, no ability to contact LLL, or people who are single parents. I am a single parent & I conquered my own breastfeeding road blocks by buying books & reading about breastfeeding. If a mom wants to breastfeed & has a computer to read this article, she has a computer to follow the links, which I *hope* will be very helpful.
“Breastfeeding isn’t ALWAYS a challenge” is not an ignorant statement. It is a fact. I said it because I was afraid that by listing SO MANY booby-traps, I was making breastfeeding sound way more challenging than it is. I know a lot of moms who had sore, cracked nipples or latch issues or oversupply, etc. But I also know some moms who had no pain at all & just had an easy time. I don’t want to scare new moms into thinking it is too hard, yet I want them to be prepared to face these challenges that so often derail breastfeeding. It is a difficult balance to find.
I am amazed that people have anything negative to say about this article because I feel like I worked really hard to cover every situation sensitively, adding disclaimers to make sure no one’s feelings got hurt. I have written about breastfeeding before & it is always moms who used formula that get mad about it. Please know that this piece was NOT for complaining about formula or moms who use it. The entire point of this piece was to HELP new moms avoid it if they want to breastfeed successfully.
You said “please remember that there are millions of women who honestly do want to breastfeed and can’t.” I DID remember that, & I mentioned it several times. I am not sure what more I can do to prevent hurt feelings in moms who had to use formula, except maybe not write about breastfeeding at all– but I am NOT going to do that. This needs to be talked about & I did it in the most helpful, sensitive way I know how, so I don’t think there is anything else I can do. If you are unable to see what is actually being written here, then it’s an issue with you & not with the information I have provided.
This is a fantastic and much needed article. Thank you, Kristen and MM! I shared this with my friends because I’ve seen some women discouraged in the beginning and never make it through to feeding their children and it hurts to see them unable to connect with their child. Keep up articles like this!
Thank you. I loved reading this article. I did an essay on Breastfeeding in public for English last semester. I really feel that women lack support from each other. In my own life, I have a 6 1/2 year old that nursed for a little over three years, I went back to work when she was 12 weeks old and I pumped for a year and a half. She never had any issues (except the toe curling pain the first week). My son is now almost 11 months old and he has nursed like a champ from the first second (my DH says its cause he is a dude).
For my essay I had to submit a rough draft for peer review…. the comments were much like the ones I read here today… either 150% BF supporters or women feeling that their feelings were hurt because they had issues and the BF women don’t understand.
I believe that we need to tell the truth, it hurts, you need to adjust to each other and Formula is NOT a substitute for a breastfeeding relationship. Breastfeeding is totally different than feeding a bottle. Formula does not change to your childs needs every day. Breastfeeding is calming and it forces the Mom to sit down and relax with the child. It is nurturing both the baby and the Mom. It takes longer than giving a bottle…. AND…. boobs were made to feed milk to babies.
I know I am probably upsetting some people. So here is my suggestion: Do something to support a Mom you know today. Take a meal over to someone with a small child. Or offer to run an errand. So something to support the Mother child relationships that you see. Maybe if we all support each other better we can stop the bickering over formula and breastfeeding.
Thank you for your article. I am currently pregnant and planning on breast feeding and using cloth diapers. I really appreciate your article and the advice it give, especially for those having a hospital birth (which i am). It is hard to tell someone in authority ‘NO’, and if a nurse or someone told me ‘you need to supplement’ or ‘we need to take the baby to the nursery’ it will be hard to say no, but having more information will help. Most articles/books talk about how to breast feed, and some tips on what you can do if things aren’t working. I haven’t ever come across anything like this and I think it is very valuable for anyone planning on breast feeding! Thank you for all your hard work!