How to Help An Anxious Child

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Naomi Aldort

My 5 year old is very anxious when we take the bus. She is worried that the bus will leave without us, that we will miss our stop, or that we will get crushed by the closing doors. She is also very anxious about elevators- again I think she is afraid of getting crushed by the doors or missing our stop. My 5 year old accepts the bus as it gets us to places that she wants to go, but I am not sure how to handle her obvious anxiety.

Dear parent,

Your daughter seem to fear things going smoothly as expected. I suggest that you start paying attention to your home environment and how much your child observes a devotion to things not going wrong. Are you modeling anxieties about doing things just right? Are you fixing your daughter’s problems so nothing would go wrong for her? Do you get upset if the rice is burnt or something is forgotten?

Your child is your mirror; look into the reflection and find the source that is being mirrored. Once you can spot the source, let go of perfection and let things go wrong while staying happy: “Woops, I overwatered the plant and now we have a puddle...” laughter and joy; “I folded my shirt backwards, look at me, so funny...” “wrong sock, not a pair, how silly of me...” laughter; “No wonder daddy couldn’t call, I left the phone off the hook...” smile and laughter; “where are your gloves??... did we leave them in the playground? I wonder if they flew in the wind...” laughter; “I am singing out of tune...” etc.

Once your child loosens up about mishaps at home, you can go ahead and get off the bus in the wrong place and have a great day in a different park or catch the next bus. If your child is upset, validate her feelings without drama and stay happy. Let your child see that these things she fears are actually fun and not at all scary. Show her the mirror through which the drivers can see the passengers. She probably has no ideas how clear his view is. Also, people do get caught and it is mostly harmless. Likewise, give her power over the elevator by letting her put her foot in the doorway and see how it opens the doors. And go ahead and miss the elevator, get off in the wrong floor, and for humor’s sake do miss the bus and let it go without you.

Children are anxious when we give them the idea that things must go flawlessly, or when we get upset with them when things aren’t on time and perfectly executed. So lighten up and your daughter will learn form you.

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How to Help An Anxious Child

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