3 Young Kids, Where To Start

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Naomi Aldort

Hi, I'm 24-yr old mother with three kids, a 4-yr old boy, 2-yr old girl and 4 months babygirl. Only recently with the birth of my 3 baby I got into your parenting style and continuum concept. Now I'm trying to evolve it into my own life and parenting, but I find it very difficult. I find that I cannot handle all their emotions (and mine!) at the time. Mostly I am alone for the day, where my husband will come home for dinner and help me to get them in bed. The 4 yr old has started attending school, so when he comes home (he only goes in the morning) he is very physical, which the 2-yr old doesnt like all the time and will be whiny for the rest of the day (even if she takes her nap!) At the moment I feel so exhausted for having to care about their needs and emotions. I try to get as much help as possible (relatives staying over for a few nights etc) but still I feel I can't take much more. I have started to have these awful negative feelings about my children and wonder if I still love them while wishing them away or to be quiet most of the time. So my question is actually where I should start, what is the most important thing to communicate to my children, or to get the unconditional love inside me back up.

Dear parent,

Your question is much too involved and complex, a lot more than just a “question.” If you can afford a phone session, please go on my site and sign up:

http://authenticparent.com/guidance.html

I made an exception and decide to respond to your post. Normally I only answer questions that are under 100 words, as specified on my expert page.

The short answer is: Start with loving yourself unconditionally, so your value does not depend on anything outside your own being. This is best accomplished by speaking with me personally, in phone sessions. If you cannot afford the sessions, work on yourself by reading my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, even if just short sections at a time. Then apply the SALVE formula each time you feel impatient. Question your thought, “I need time away from the children,” or any other thought your mind comes up with. Use The Work, as described in the book, Loving What Is by Byron Katie. This and other thoughts are what gets in your way of enjoying your children. You believe they are demanding more than you can give and your resist them. Without resistance you will feel the love flowing again.

Once you are at peace with yourself, it will be much easier to flow with the next thing to do. Now this child needs food, now change diaper, now two of them need a hug, now feed, now kiss a hurt knee, now separate fighting children... etc. You just do the next thing without resistance.

In addition, get help. Hire a teenager or a young adult who can come for a couple of hours once or twice a week, to help and play with the children. Take more breaks when your husband is at home. But mostly, be present and notice that when you are in the moment, there is only one thing to do, and that’s the next need of a child. Even when all of them need you at once, you can only respond to one at a time and that’s what you do. The next thing, and then the next. When you don’t resist, you will find peace and love each moment.

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3 Young Kids, Where To Start

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